The Creeping Influx of Female Teachers in the Church

In conservative churches, we know that women are not to be pastors. Most conservative churches will never select a woman as pastor and probably not even youth pastor or any pastor title. Scripture is very clear that pastors or bishops are to be men of proper character and reputation and with the ability to teach because this is their primary role.

1 Timothy 3:1-7 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

Titus 1:5-9 For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee: If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre; But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate; Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.

Obviously, women cannot fulfill the requirement to be a pastor in the church. There are also many other reasons in scripture that the pastorate is limited to men. However, the official title of pastor is not the only thing limited to men in scripture. The scripture also forbids a woman to teach in the church congregation.

1 Timothy 2:11-12 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

1 Corinthians 14:34-35 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Now, we know that, in context, this is talking about women speaking publicly, in a teaching role of the church, not merely a woman saying anything to anyone in a church building. There were no church buildings in the 1st century. The church is the gathering of believers, not a building. So this is not saying women can’t speak a word in a church building.

Women are also described in scripture as singing, prophesying, and praying in the church gathering, but women are forbidden to take a teaching role in the church gathering—to be the one discerning and teaching doctrine with the authority of the church. One woman speaking to another person in a home or a business or wherever else about what scripture says does not have the authority of the church, and thus she is not forbidden to speak in these situations. All believers, whether male or female, are instructed to share the gospel and to love sound doctrine. However, the teaching role of the church is another level that has a grave authority and responsibility which is to be carried by qualified men.

2 Timothy 2:1-2 Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.

The teaching role in the church, according scripture, is to be performed by qualified men, not by women. I don’t see any exception given in scripture if we form a special class of only women. A gathering of the church to be taught doctrine should have male teachers.

Now, the reason that many conservative churches have traditionally allowed women to teach if they’re only teaching women is that it is often believed that the real problem is that women should not be teaching men. It is certainly true that women should not be teaching men doctrine in the church. But scripture doesn’t say that women can teach in the church gathering if it’s an audience of women. It says that women are not to teach, and that the teachers in the church are to be faithful men. In short, both men and women need to be taught by qualified male teachers. I think we have let tradition overshadow the text of scripture in this matter.

So, where do women learn the specific things that relate to women? There is certainly a need for women to be taught things specific to their roles as daughters, wives, mothers, and similarly womanly tasks. The scripture provides for this need.

Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Here we see that the older women of good character are to teach the younger women these specific female-related topics. This is not carte blanche for a woman to teach other women every doctrine of the scriptures. What the older women are to teach is listed for us.

1. To be sober. This could include staying away from alcohol and drugs as well as to be serious rather than emotional or flighty or foolish.
2. To love their husbands. Helping a young woman understand how to love her husband is something we need the more experienced wives to teach because it doesn’t necessarily come naturally. Happily married mentor figures are a huge help in solving marriage conflicts.
3. To love their children. Loving our children, such as applying the loving discipline they need and being the careful nurturers of their hearts and bodies, is something we need to learn. The older women are a valuable resource here.
4. To be discreet. Discretion is a moral skill that needs to be taught. How not to draw attention to ourselves, not to display all of our lives to the world, not to share private matters, when to speak and when to be silent—these are things the younger women must learn.
5. To be chaste. Chastity is hugely important, both before and after marriage. We need older women to teach the younger women to save sex for marriage and to be faithful to their husbands.
6. To be keepers at home. Keeping a home is an important and also difficult task. The knowledge and skill necessary to cook, clean, train children, and make a home a beautiful and inviting sanctuary for our families is something we learn primarily from other women. The importance of prioritizing our calling in the home is something the world won’t tell us, but the church women should.
7. To be good. We all need encouragement to live a holy life, including from older women.
8. To be obedient to their own husbands. It’s not just that a woman is to love her husband, but she is also to submit to his authority as head of the home. This is something older women are to teach the younger women. It doesn’t come naturally. We have to learn it.

Note that all of these topics which the older women are to teach are practical matters about how a woman is to live out God’s will for her life in her home and her family. They are not the overall doctrine of the church on salvation, baptism, morality, and so on. It would be extremely awkward and probably not very effective for a man to try to teach a woman how to be a better woman, so we need women to teach these things precisely because they are practical matters that are learned with experience. We learn from those with more experience who have evidence of godly character.

Also note that the scripture does not say that any woman or group of women should have a position of teacher to women. In the book of Titus, the Apostle Paul is instructing a pastor named Titus on what he is to teach his congregation. One of those things is that the older women (plural) are to teach the younger women these specific things. It doesn’t say Titus should have his wife teach the other women. In fact, the pastor’s wife has a responsibility to the pastor as her husband, but not to the church. She has no position in the church (despite our traditions). She will not give an account to God for guiding or teaching the church. Her husband will because he has the office of pastor.

In general, these female topics to be taught by the older women of the church seem to be the kind of thing a woman might help other women to learn while they’re visiting together, working together in their community, or while one is mentoring the other, not necessarily in an official class of the church. I suppose one could argue that it could be done in a Sunday School class as an occasional thing. Perhaps that is the case. But if so, the class should focus solely on the topics that women are allowed to teach, if it is taught by a woman. The normal teaching of the church on matters of doctrine should be done by faithful men. This doctrinal teaching is needed by both men and women, so women should not miss out on it. Women are not lesser Christians. They need doctrine too.

It has been my experience that these scriptural instructions on teaching in the church are widely ignored in most of the Western churches today. Many churches are letting women be pastors, which is obviously wrong, but even the more conservative churches often have their own women’s groups which form essentially a parallel female church, led by what amounts to female elders. This is not only incorrect in form, but often leads to further problems. I have seen great errors arise from this.

For example, women have a naturally more emotional nature. That’s not a bad thing as we were designed this way to be nurturers and relational helps to our husbands. But when it comes to letting women be the source of doctrinal teaching for the other women, this can lead to all kinds of false doctrine being taught and reinforced in women’s groups because they tend to follow their feelings. Women can also be too nice, which can lead them not to confront false teaching when it occurs. This is one of the many reasons that God gave the role of bishop to men and not to women. We need bold, fearless shepherds to dispel the wolves. I think we must be careful not to fall prey to the comfortable and common errors of our time. Female doctrinal teachers are a scourge on the church today.

There are so many things we women can do in the church. There are so many things that godly women do need to teach other women, as scripture has commanded. But we need to recognize our place. We can discuss any theology with one another as equals, as I am doing with my readers now. We can exhort and encourage one another to live a holy life and to follow the scriptures. We can and should share the gospel with unbelievers. We should teach and disciple our children. We can be prayer warriors. We can do good for our communities. But we are not to have a teaching role or position in the church gathering to teach doctrine with the authority of the church. That is role for qualified men.

This is a topic I have studied carefully, and I believe scripture has given us instructions on this matter that don’t match the way many churches today are operating. Even many well-known, very conservative churches that are otherwise great have slipped in this area. Our culture pushes us toward feminism, and it’s easy to compromise (sometimes without even realizing it). Please consider this prayerfully.

Fight the Cultural Current toward Feminism

The effect of culture on a person's thinking and values is profound. It can be hard to overcome. We're all products of our culture in various ways. We're often harsh on the antebellum slave holders for supporting such an overtly wicked practice, but they were influenced by the teaching of their time, including the teaching from their churches. Rather than feel morally superior, it's important to examine our own ideology to see where we may be leaving the teaching of the Bible to follow the norms and ideas of our culture.

 
This is a lifelong process of examination. If you don't actively root out unbiblical ideas, you will drift with the cultural current. Drifting is the default state if you're not paddling upstream. Standing against the culture requires work. It requires being unpopular with your friends who are drifting along and fitting in. It means finding friends who are willing to join you as you work to renew your mind with Biblical truth.

 
One area where I see a LOT of Christians compromising with the world is feminism. It has crept into everything, including nearly all churches. Women are leaving their homes and children to seek careers, disregarding the God-given authority of their husbands, and even pushing their way into church leadership. It's sneaky. It's packaged to sound like it's good. It's "empowerment" and "ministry" and "setting a good example for our daughters" and "being a witness in public schools." These are the lipstick on the pig. They're rationalization for not obeying God's instructions.

 
Titus 2:3-5
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

 
Did you catch that? When women disobey this passage and leave their God-given role, they cause the word of God to be dishonored. That's very serious.

 
Yet so many women outsource the discipleship of their own children to non-Christian strangers for hours every day (public schools) and leave the ordering of their own household to seek acclaim in the business world or popularity in the church for their "ministry." If you're a mother with young children still at home, the primary ministry to which God has called you is the discipleship and care for your very own children. Never give that up for anything! If you want to do something important for God, there it is. You have a ready-made ministry in your own home. No one can have the influence you have there. You're replaceable in the workforce. You're replaceable in church ministry. No one can replace you in the lives of your children.

 
Of course, this ministry of discipling our own children is HARD! There are several things against us.

 
First of all, raising children takes a lot of work. It can be exhausting and emotionally draining. And there's not a lot of immediate gratification. Kids rarely say thank you for all the training you put into them, and they will shortly undo the housework you just finished. They will push your buttons and test your patience. Parenting is not for the faint-hearted. In the office, you get applause for your finished project. In the church, you get applause for your ministry. At home, not so much. Wiping runny noses and making dinner and vacuuming the floor (again) don't seem so adventurous or important, and yet they're a lot of hard work. It's easy to think our efforts would produce more return somewhere else.

Second, we have our own fallen nature to fight. We all tend to want what we don't have. We all tend to find it easier to do the wrong thing. So the man who was called to be the provider and leader often finds this calling to be difficult and burdensome. Meanwhile, the woman who was called to keep the home and care for children and submit to her husband finds this calling burdensome. They each feel the other has the better role precisely because of the curse. Doing our own role requires fighting our own desires sometimes. We tend to think God made a mistake and we can fix it. It seems easier and more pleasant doing it our way.

 
Third, there's the allure of money. A career brings in money, and money is extremely useful. It can give us things we want, and sometimes things we truly need. It's very difficult to live on one income. It's a sacrifice because our society is built around double incomes and luxury. There's social pressure to make more and have more. There's the rising cost of everything.

 
Fourth, there's the social pressure of the culture which says women should break the glass ceiling and pursue high-powered careers. If a woman cooks food in a restaurant, that's esteemed as a great career. If a woman works as a secretary, handling scheduling and appointments and filing paperwork and paying bills for a boss, that's a good use of her time. If a woman cares for small children all day in a daycare, that's laudable work. If a woman works as a cleaning lady, cleaning homes and businesses, she's doing important work. If a woman teaches children their ABCs or multiplication tables in a school, that's such an important career. But if she does all that and more for her own husband and children in her own home, that's drudgery and beneath her. She needs to escape that life and join the exciting career world. This is what our culture tells us.

 
The culture also pushes egalitarianism, treating men and women as having identical and interchangeable roles. In the church, this turns into women taking church leadership roles, wanting to be pastors and teachers. This is often pushed as a good thing despite the teaching of scripture, which must be explained away with appeals to ancient culture or translation mistakes rather than simply obeying it.

 
With all these factors against us, it's difficult to stand firm on what God's word teaches. It's easy to drift. Doing the right thing takes determination to be obedient to God, no matter the cost. And it will cost you. It may cost you in lost income, lost dreams, lost friends, lost popularity, lost sleep, and much more. So why do it if it costs so much? Because obedience to God is worth it. He will reward you. There is no better place to be than in the center of God's will. Count the cost. Then choose to be obedient. Fight the current. Stand for Jesus.

If You Want Children, Make Wise Choices

The common feminist advice given to women to live in the moment, travel the world, go drinking, hook up, and have fun in your 20's and even 30's and then settle down and be a mom when you've had your fill is absolutely terrible advice for many reasons.

1) A woman's fertility is not guaranteed. Waiting until the 30's or 40's to have children all too often means not being able to have them at all. Not naturally, anyway, and often reproductive technologies can't even help. Fertility, unlike travel or luxuries, won't wait. Use it while you have it.

2) Having children doesn't prevent women from having fun, as so many assume. Yes, children tie you down to some degree, but they're not little ball and chains. Your life isn't over when you have kids. In fact, having children helps us realize what really matters about life and have a far richer and more fulfilling experience than any party lifestyle will ever provide.

3) Being irresponsible, drinking, partying, and hooking up are terrible choices regardless of what age you are or whether or not you have kids. They're bad moral choices and also harmful in many other ways.

4) Being a party animal doesn't prepare a woman for being a wife and mother. Quite the opposite. It teaches her to live for her instant gratification and not consider others or the future. It teaches her to resent children as little burdens that stop her from doing what she wants to do. It teaches her to care only about herself. In short, it turns her inward rather than outward and fuels her natural selfishness, which is exactly the opposite of what is needed in a good mother.

5) Partying, drinking, and hooking up make a woman a bad wife, and bad wives are also, by definition, bad mothers. The kinds of habits that cause a woman to be a good wife, to knit her heart with her husband's, and to put others before herself also help to ensure that her children will grow up in the stable, married home they need. Premarital sex undermines marital stability. A habit of selfish indulgence doesn't magically end when the wedding is over. The habits we make follow us for a lifetime.

6) Selfish, irresponsible behaviors like drinking heavily and premarital sex cause disease and reduce a woman's chances of having healthy children. Alcohol kills brain and liver cells. Some STDs can be transmitted to a child, cause cancers of the reproductive organs, or cause sterility. Fertility isn't assured for any woman as she ages, but it's even less sure if she is engaging in behaviors that put her and her reproductive health at risk.

7) Smart, loyal men who want to settle down and have a family don't pick partying women for that role, and for good reason. The 30-something living weekend to weekend just to party or hooking up with a string of different men is not good wife material. So when she finally decides, in her mid-30's, after being all used up, that she wants a husband and children, she is very likely to find she has zero prospects. Men aren't going to marry her now. They're not stupid.

The bottom line is that women who want a husband and children need to plan in their teens and early-20's to pursue behaviors that help further that goal and prepare them to find a good man and make use of their fertile years. They need to be cultivating the kind of character that makes good wives and mothers. They need to be making wise and healthy choices. Those who do the opposite and think they can party like there's no tomorrow will likely find that their family goals never come true, and all because they made poor choices. For good or for ill, we reap what we sow.

The Strengths of Men

A women's group I'm a part of recently asked the members what they would like to change about men. Well, different people have different ideas about what men's main flaws are. But I don't think I would change anything about a man's nature. God made men and women with different strengths for a reason. We need each other, and our different strengths are an asset, not a flaw.

One of the main things people claim is "lacking" in men is the ability to multi-task well. But this isn't a flaw. It's part of the design. Men weren't designed to be women with different plumbing (contrary to feminist thinking). They were designed to be men, and that involves several traits that differ from women's strengths. Multi-tasking is certainly one of these traits on which men and women differ, on average. But it's actually a good thing.

Women are good at multi-tasking because we're designed to watch multiple children while cleaning the house and making meals and this requires being able to keep up with multiple things at once. Yet being good at multi-tasking also means that we women have a harder time focusing on a task that requires in-depth concentration. Men have this ability, which they need in order to focus on the major task of providing for the family. This also helps them set goals for the family and not get distracted from those goals, but to pursue them with perseverance. Focus not only helps prevent distraction, but it also helps keep priorities in line. The jobs that men do generally require greater focus. Not being able to multi-task well actually aids them in this.

In fact, we shouldn't see men's nature as one in which multi-tasking is lacking, but one in which focus is better. It's a trade off. Men and women tend to be at opposite sides of the spectrum, but balance each other so that both get done in a marriage.

Similarly, men might be less focused on cleanliness, but that's actually a good thing considering what men are often needed to do. Can you imagine, if a gunman broke into your house, what might happen if your husband was distracted with thoughts that shooting him will mess up the furniture? Or what if hunters spent a lot of time keeping clean instead of making themselves invisible to their game and tracking it until they could bring home meat for the family? Even just ordinary things in modern-day life like fixing a broken down vehicle require men to get their hands dirty and get the job done, and being able to ignore cleanliness issues helps them do that.

I know I wonder sometimes how my husband can get himself elbow-deep in grease fixing our truck like he does, but I sure am glad he can because we need a vehicle that runs, and I sure can't fix it. Men might sometimes need women to remind them to clean up when it's time to, but men also need to remind women sometimes that being clean at every moment isn't the purpose of life. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty.

Some view a lack of emotion in men as a bad thing. Yet sometimes we women let our emotions cloud our judgment. We do need our emotions in order to be the nurturers of the home and to aid in taking care of children. Women also have the issue of hormones, which make us fertile, yet make our emotions erratic and difficult to control at times. Being more emotional is not always a good thing. It has its downsides too.

Having less emotion in a man makes him better at focusing on goals and not having judgment clouded by issues which are not a priority or that don't affect what we should do. Men also have the task of going to work every day, no matter how they feel about it, because it needs to be done. Not being unduly burdened with emotions can be a good thing at such times.

Even aggression, which some people view as a "flaw" of men, is actually a necessary thing for protecting the family. Men are the stronger ones and need to have a certain amount of aggression in order to protect those they love from danger and even to deter others from trying to harm them in the first place. Men fight our wars, kill animals to bring home meat, and face danger on many fronts. They are also able to stand for the cause of justice and fight for right precisely because they have the aggression to stand up instead of cowering or worrying about what others will think.

These traits have always been strengths of men and things we women need and rely upon, even when we don't always understand or appreciate them. Of course, the strengths of men can be twisted into bad and even evil actions. But so can the strengths of women. Sin affects us all. So the only thing we should want to remove from anyone - male or female - is their sin. Not their God-given strengths. Those strengths we should take care to appreciate, even (or perhaps, especially) when they're different from our own.


Linked up with Wifey Wednesday.

The Problem with Feminism

In some of my past posts (see here and here), I have pointed out some of the problems with feminism in passing. I keep getting comments that I’m wrong about feminism and that it’s just about equality and rights for women. However, I think many of those who call themselves feminists don’t realize what the movement has become. They haven’t kept up with the times.

Feminism may have started out as a movement to secure equal rights for women, but it has gone far beyond that today. People wanted to keep the movement going, even though equality has already been achieved, so they had to invent new horrors to rally people around their cause.

Thus, modern feminism does indeed see mothers being at home with their children as archaic, patriarchal, and oppressive. They elevate women in the workforce as being "strong women" while pointedly never referring to stay at home moms as such. They subtly (or not-so-subtly) tell women that stay home that they're weaker or being controlled in some way.

In the realm of sex, some of the more radical feminist leaders view any and all sex with a man as rape. Yes, they have actually said that. Even short of that, the very idea that a man must beg and cajole his wife for sex and she has all the power to say yes or no - widely passed off as normal in media of all kinds and praised as "equality" by feminists - is completely emasculating and degrading to men.

Even worse, feminists are now framing the "equality" debate in terms of access to abortion. They speak of abortion as a "women's rights issue" and tell us that those who oppose abortion want to keep women in subjection. Apparently, they think women cannot be equal to men unless they can kill their children in the womb and thus avoid the uniquely female consequences of sex.

Feminists today are pushing for special, not merely equal, treatment for women. The schools are now biased against boys - with assignments and topics that girls are more interested in, an intolerance for rough play that boys prefer, long periods of inactivity that girls can handle better than boys, an emphasis on feelings that girls find more comfortable, and better grades assigned to girls. This isn't just me saying this. It's been widely documented.

The push is not for equality of the law any more. The push now is for women and girls to be considered the gold standard and men and boys to be considered as defective females. They're also pushing for equality of outcome, instead of equality of opportunity.

What's more, feminists of today love to point out the many duties of men (such as getting a job) while denying that women have any duties. They pretend that a woman's greater empathy and emotional bent is an unqualified good that men are simply deficient in (while saying that men are better than women at anything is widely considered taboo). They insinuate (if not outright say) that women are more spiritual and more naturally good, and so on. It's everywhere. Our society is full of mostly subtle, and sometimes blatant, knocks against men while elevating women. Today's feminists not only praise this as an accomplishment, but are pushing for more.

In the workforce, for example, feminists are often up in arms that women are "underrepresented" in fields like engineering and pretend that this is due to some secret and subtle bias against women. In reality, the difference is due to the different choices of women. The same is true for the "gender wage gap" that everyone keeps bringing up. The truth is that women choose less strenuous, more flexible jobs and work fewer hours - mainly because they value their time with their children more than men do. When you control for these lifestyle choices, the gender wage gap disappears.

There is no systematic bias against women. If anything, we now have the reverse. Many engineering programs, for example, are biased towards women - selecting women applicants over equally or better qualified men - and yet the women are still present in lower numbers. The workforce is similar, with many, many companies preferring women.

Feminism pretends that women always want the same things as men and fusses about differences in numbers, which means they aren't allowing women to make their own choices, but are trying to push them to be like men. That's not okay.

It's not okay to suggest that women freely choosing to spend more time with their children is somehow a social problem that needs to be fixed. It's not okay to suggest that men are defective and women are better. It's not okay to point out men's flaws while pretending women don't have them too. It's not okay to allow jokes that portray men as idiots and buffoons (which are very common today) while being up in arms when the shoe is on the other foot. It's not okay to give a woman all the sexual power in a marriage relationship and force her husband to beg for consideration.

Today's feminism is not okay. It's not balanced. It's not fair. And thus I will not call myself a feminist. I'm an equalist. I believe that men and women are equally valuable and have equal rights. But I don't believe that men and women are exactly alike, that they have all the same strengths and weaknesses and priorities, or that women can do everything that men can do just as well or vice versa. I won't bash men for being different than women and I won't pretend that females are better. I'm really tired of the modern feminist agenda and the feminization of society. It hasn't done anyone any good.

 

 

The Real Reason "50 Shades of Grey" is so Popular

I think women gravitate to 50 Shades of Grey (and other similar erotica) because they haven't embraced the proper roles in sex and marriage. Feminism has taught them that they can never, ever, in any fashion submit to a man...unless it's during sex, if that sort of thing is their cup of tea. Anything goes in the bedroom. Feminism told them that it's degrading to be a stay-at-home mom or to submit to a husband or to want a lot of children. They should never have sex with their husbands unless they feel like it. They should never let a man make decisions for their family. But having a stranger use and abuse you sexually? Well, that's empowering, don't ya know.

The other factor at play is that women are most attracted to men when men are most masculine. It's masculine and attractive to women for men to be in charge, confident, powerful, and robust. But feminism taught men to suppress these characteristics and taught women that any man who shows them is chauvinistic and oppressive. Thus men have learned to become passive and women have learned to hate and fear masculine men. 

In much of life, the feminization of men may seem to turn out fine for both sexes. We live in a culture where we don't often need a man to fight invaders and women can do most jobs. If the gender roles are rather blurred or even reversed, we can still survive. But in the bedroom, women have a hard time being turned on by a wuss. During sex, the natural differences of men and women are more noticeable and important. When that difference isn't emphasized, it makes arousal more difficult. Women are turned on by a man's more masculine traits. Opposites attract.  

When women find their sex life hum-drum because they either have a feminized man or have effectively emasculated him by forcing him to bow to their demands in order to get sex, they often get excited at the thought of being dominated. Erotica, like 50 Shades, appeals to their innate desire to feel a man's power and leadership, to be led and give up control. They may or may not realize it, but I think this is, for many women, the issue. They play a game of make-believe in their minds because feminism has told them it's taboo in real life. 

Of course, the male dominance in 50 Shades of Grey is a twisted and warped version that is debased and harmful. But in a culture of women yearning inside to find some semblance of real masculinity to submit to, it still appeals to them deep down. They don't have the real thing, so they fall for twisted counterfeits that have small glimmers of the masculinity they desire. They're like hungry people eating out of garbage cans, not realizing that they've ignored the gourmet restaurant down the street.