Saturday, October 3, 2015

Soul Mates or Sole Mates?

The idea that there's just one person out there who completes you, is your other half, and with whom a close and intimate relationship is easy and effortless is a secular idea (and a false one), not a Biblical one. Too many people are looking for a soul mate instead of putting the hard work into making the relationship they have work.

Don't worry about whether you and your spouse are soul mates. When you get married, that person becomes your sole mate, and it is God's will that you make that relationship the best it can be.

Of course, some couples find it easier than others to understand one another and get along. And it can be easy to think that someone else has the perfect marriage when they seem to make it work so effortlessly. In some cases, this is due to personality types that are low drama. In most cases, however, it is because those people who seem to have it so good have merely developed good character and habits that make marriage easier and make good communication a regular part of their everyday routine. They figured out behaviors that make life smoother and worked to make them habits.

Here are some good habits to develop in your marriage:

  • Show gratitude for everyday things like taking out the trash, going to work, doing laundry, or making meals

  • Express physical affection (hugs, cuddling, kisses, holding hands) every day and not just during sex or date nights

  • Take time to talk regularly about something that isn't logistics like doctor's appointments or what the kids are doing in school

  • Do little things for each other like getting a glass of water or making a favorite meal without being asked, and do them frequently

  • Consult with each other before making changes, inviting people over, or making large purchases

  • Be careful to speak positively, both to the spouse and about the spouse to others

  • Learn to communicate effectively by listening well and speaking respectfully

  • Resolve conflict calmly and rationally, without arguing or accusations or manipulation

  • See yourselves as teammates and have each other's back

So, whether your marriage is an easy or hard one, whether you finish each other’s sentences or can hardly understand each other, you can make your marriage a close and happy and God-glorifying one. You don’t have to instantly and effortlessly click to build a great marriage.