But what does it mean to have a pure dating relationship?
How pure should it be? How does one achieve purity? All of these are necessary
questions to ask and to answer if a dating relationship is to be pure.
If you look up purity in the dictionary,
you get two definitions:
1.
Freedom from adulteration or contamination
2.
Freedom from immorality, especially of a sexual
nature
The second definition is perhaps most useful in this
context. Sexual immorality is rampant in our culture. However, we as
Christians, are called to be holy and pure. Since God has reserved sexual
intimacy for marriage, we are called to refrain from it until after the
wedding (and then engage in it only with our spouse). We’ve all heard that.
For example, I Thessalonians 4:3-7 says: “For it is God's will that you be sanctified:
You must abstain from sexual immorality; each of you must know how to control
his own body in holiness and honor, not with passion and lust like the gentiles
who do not know God; and you must never take advantage of or exploit a brother
in this regard. For the Lord is an avenger in all these things, just as we
already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to impurity but to
holiness.” (ISV)
The first definition of purity is also helpful, however.
Since the opposite of purity is contamination, we should realize that sexual
immorality is a contaminant. It contaminates not only our soul and conscience,
but our relationships as well. God’s design for sex in marriage is so beautiful
and amazing, but sexual immorality taints that. God’s law against sexual immorality
is for our benefit, not to prevent us from having fun. Once we realize that, we
are in a better position to remain pure.
So, what things should be avoided before marriage? Obviously,
intercourse is wrong before marriage, but many other behaviors are also sexual
in nature and should be reserved for marriage. Sexual intimacy is a complex
phenomenon with many triggers and facets. It would impossible to provide a
complete list of things to avoid. And, of course, if I were to try to make a
list, someone would inevitably think of something that wasn’t on the list and
think it must be okay to go ahead. The idea isn’t to have a list of wrong
behaviors, but to strive always to be as pure as possible. In general, if it
gets your motor running, avoid it. Save all sexual intimacy for marriage.
Most of us can identify behaviors that should be avoided
before marriage. We usually know what is right and wrong. The tricky part is
actually living out those convictions. It’s hard to maintain sexual purity,
especially when you’re in love and want each other so bad. So how does one live
out purity? Here are some practical solutions to help you maintain purity in
your relationships.
· Understand God’s plan for sexual intimacy in
marriage. It’s a lot easier to wait for marriage when you know what you’re
looking forward to and when you realize that saving intimacy for marriage will
make it so much better.
· Pray for purity. Pray for wisdom, that you will
be able to recognize temptation and avoid poor choices. Pray for the strength
to say no to sin. The good thing about praying for purity is that you already
know God wants it for you. All you have to do is ask Him for what He already
wants to grant.
· Clearly define your physical boundaries
before entering any dating relationship. Again, you can’t make a complete list,
but you can decide that you will not do certain things. If you enter a
relationship with just a fuzzy idea that you don’t want to have intercourse
before marriage, you are in a dangerous position. Most likely, you will engage
in sexual behaviors and then not be able to stop yourself from going all the
way. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. So put some guidelines in place
long before the heat of the moment leads you to do something that will taint
your relationship and your life with sin.
· Define physical boundaries with your boyfriend
or girlfriend at the beginning of a relationship. Very early in the
relationship you should come to an agreement that you will remain sexually pure
until marriage. If the other person doesn’t agree that sexual purity is
important, they probably don’t have the Christian character that you are
looking for, so save yourself the trouble of a dead end relationship and find
someone else.
·
Don’t just agree to remain pure, however. Plan
your dates to ensure purity. One of the most important things you can do on
this front is to have accountability (more on that in future posts). If you
aren’t accountable to anyone, if no one is checking up on you, you probably
will go farther than you planned to. You also need to plan not to have an
opportunity to sin. For example, don’t be alone together in an empty house or
dorm room. Alone together will be great on your honeymoon. Wait for that time.
· Be aware of your body’s response to sexual
behaviors. If you are doing something (even if it seemed harmless) and you find
yourself being turned on and wanting to go farther, stop immediately. Be
willing to avoid even things you thought were fine if you find that they lead
to temptation.
· If you do mess up, repent and set stricter
guidelines to ensure you don’t do it again. Don’t simply give in and keep doing
what you were doing. It’s easy to think, when you’ve crossed a line you said
you wouldn’t, that you might as well just keep on. You haven’t “saved” that for
marriage so you might as well indulge. That is a dangerous line of thinking. It
is never okay to sin. If you have sinned, confess it, forsake it, and plan not
to allow opportunity for it to happen again.
Are there any other suggestions or tips for keeping a dating
relationship pure? Have you found any handy ways to prevent temptation or to
remove yourself from a compromising situation? Do you know of any additional
pitfalls to avoid? Share them here so that others can benefit.
Excellent and thorough post, Lindsay! Thanks for sharing this at The Alabaster Jar!
ReplyDeleteGreat advice
ReplyDeletePurity has been lost but how wonderful to bless each other by obeying God
Thanks for sharing