Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Opposite Sex Friendships After Marriage: How to Guard Your Heart

One thing that produces marital strife in today’s world is friendships with the opposite sex. In our society, men and women often have friendships with each other outside of marriage, and in some cases these are very close. However, when one or both friends are married to another person, too often the spouse feels threatened by the friendship and it can lead to tensions, distrust, and accusations and can even tear a marriage apart. How should such friendships be handled? What priorities and boundaries should be set? These are important questions to think about and to discuss as a couple (preferably before the wedding, but the issue may arise later as well). 

Here’s my take on the issue. 

First of all, I don't think men and women should build close intimate friendships with each other outside of a committed relationship. It is not appropriate to build intimacy (emotional closeness) without a plan in place to head towards marriage. Men and women can be friends, but they shouldn't be sharing their deepest feelings and dreams if they want to remain just friends. It just doesn’t work that way. When you do share in that way, it is intimacy. Intimacy between a man and woman should be reserved for marriage, period. It is part of the beauty and sacredness of marriage that your spouse knows you more deeply and intimately than anyone else. Your spouse alone should know your innermost secrets, hopes, and desires. 

A lot of people, however, will object at this point. Men and women can maintain a purely platonic friendship, they say. They will point to a friendship or two in which they were very close but never had feelings for the other person and will testify that their close friendships of the opposite sex have been good for them, filled a need for them, etc.

My response to that is that of course these friendships fill a need – a need that should be filled by your spouse (or your future spouse). We all have a deep desire to be intimately known, to be accepted just as we are, to make deep emotional connections with another. But this need was meant to bring a husband and wife together to fill this need in each other. It is not appropriate to fill this need outside of marriage any more than it is appropriate to fill the need for sex outside marriage.

The problem is, we like to think in little boxes. We want to put emotional closeness and sexual attraction in separate boxes and pretend that they’re totally unconnected. We believe we can have emotional closeness with someone of the opposite sex without having "feelings" for them. The problem is, we aren't robots that can put things in little boxes and keep them that way. We are integrated beings. We are designed to build emotional closeness that leads to physical attraction and its culmination in physical and emotional unity through sex. Again, that's supposed to draw a husband and wife together.

The marriage relationship is about more than just having sex. For that matter, sex is way more than just a physical act. Sex is a physical, emotional, and spiritual bonding experience that is designed to merge two people into a single unit. Just as physical closeness (such as kissing and cuddling) are preparation for this marital unification, so too is emotional closeness. The physical and the emotional go hand in hand to bring the kind of unity that God designed marriage to be.

Because of this, when you are married, emotional intimacy with someone other than your spouse is cheating. It may not be physical, but it's still sharing with someone else what should only be shared with your spouse. Such emotional affairs are not only wrong in themselves, but dangerous. Most adulterous affairs begin with a seemingly innocent emotional closeness with an opposite sex friend. It’s part of God’s design for our sexuality that we feel physical desire when we have emotional intimacy. This is a beautiful truth within marriage. Emotional closeness brings husband and wife together to show their love for each other physically, and the physical act of sex bonds them even tighter emotionally. Both male and female bodies even release a hormone called oxytocin that triggers emotional bonding after sex. This is the way God meant it to be within marriage. But when a person allows emotional closeness to form with someone to whom they are not married, their body will, sooner or later, want to respond as if they were married.

Even if an emotional affair does not become a physical one, it still causes damage to the marriage relationship. For one thing, the emotional energy that is invested in the inappropriate friendship is energy that is not invested where it should be – in the marriage. If you feel the need to express hidden desires and feelings to someone else, it is a sign that your marriage has a problem and your immediate response should be to work to fix the problem and restore intimacy in your marriage. Sharing with another person of the opposite sex ignores the problem, allowing the gap to widen between husband and wife, while also building closeness with someone else. No wonder it leads to so many problems. In addition, when a spouse learns of an emotional affair, they often feel betrayed (and for good reason). This can cause a lot of hurt as well as further rifts in the relationship. Thus, even when an inappropriate friendship does not turn physical, it is still extremely harmful.

Because of the design of our sexuality, we need to guard our hearts in order to protect our marriages. While men and women can be platonic friends, that will only happen if there is an emotional reserve between them. In other words, we should not build intimate friendships with the opposite sex outside of marriage. With this is mind, we should be extremely careful what we share with others, especially those of the opposite sex. Even what is shared with friends of the same sex should be limited (though, obviously, there's less cause for concern that inappropriate sharing will lead to inappropriate physical acts). The need to share your inner desires and feelings should bring you back to your spouse to fill that need.

 

Note:

A question that often arises is what to do when a husband and wife are having problems and they can’t seem to talk to each other or regain the intimacy in their marriage. The default position should be to work out your problems with your spouse, not to talk to someone else about how to "fix" your marriage. However, sometimes there is a rift that does require outside advice. Sometimes counseling is needed. Ideally, a husband and wife should see a counselor together, but that requires both spouses to participate. Sometimes a spouse has to get help alone. In that case, here is my advice. Anyone you tell about your marriage struggles should be: 
  •  your same sex,
  • a happily married mentor figure, and
  • given only enough detail to allow them to help and pray for you.  
You want to avoid using anyone (male or female) as a dumping bin for all of your frustrations instead of working them out as a couple. And you want to avoid ranting about your spouse on a regular basis to someone who takes your side all the time. This will only cause you to focus on the negative qualities and turn your heart further away from your spouse. The proper kind of mentor figure, if you must confide in one, will challenge you to change yourself, not your spouse. After all, you are the only one you can change.


Linked up with WLWW, Seeds of Faith, WFMW, The Modest Mom, Unveiled Wife, Proverbs 31 Wife, Time-Warp Wife, The Alabaster Jar, To Love Honor and Vacuum, Revive Your Marriage, NOBH, and Yes They're All Ours.

25 comments:

  1. Excellent post, I do think a lot of disasters could be avoided if men and women would realize this. Found you at Marital Onenes

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  2. Wow! This post contains a lot of wisdom! Surprised you haven't had more comments here either agreeing or disagreeing! :) Thanks for linking up for Marriage Monday!

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  3. Well said, Lindsay. I think more people should heed your advice instead of assuming they can have very close friends of the opposite sex. We need to be above reproach in all we do. Thanks for linking up with us at No Ordinary Blog Hop. Every blessing, Kelly

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  4. This was really well written and laid out. I so wish more people understood this concept. My husband and I have written about this at Marriage Life Ministries as well and have gotten agreement and disagreement. The disagreement seems to come from people who are just trying to make justification for their choices. No one says its easy to maintain boundaries in relationships or that its easy to reign in opposite sex friendships. But for the sake of your marriages it is necessary!

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  5. I've been the betrayed spouse in an emotional affair triangle. The affair was also somewhat physical although it had not crossed over into sex. I have no doubt in my mind that God chose the perfect time to bring this to light because I strongly believe the affair was at the brink of crossing that line. An affair is EXTREMELY painful to recover from, whether sex was involved or not. It is a breach of trust and betrayal by the one person that you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. I discovered my spouses affair 2 and a half years ago and the pain is still unbearable at times. If you find yourself in an emotional affair situation, I beg you to reach out to your spouse and also a pastor or counselor. Your marriage can be healed but it takes commitment. And God can restore it and make it better than before.

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    1. It sounds like you've been in a hard place and can testify that God can bring healing, even after an affair. I know some couples and have heard of many others who have also come through affairs and were able to have a better marriage than before. You are absolutely right that it takes commitment and work and it takes time for the hurt to heal. But reconciliation is possible. Thanks for commenting.

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  6. Very well written! More people need to speak out on this kind of thing. If we don't protect our marriages, Satan will be glad to step in. Find a mentor in your life.

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  7. What a great post. I believe that everyone should read this. It's so true. I believe men and women can be friends but there are absolutely lines that must not be crossed.

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  8. Speaking as someone who has worked in the infidelity field for more than a decade, this is right on the money. I find that often when people ask a question like this (can I have opposite sex friends), what they are wondering is "How far can I go?" They want to go right up to the line and get as close to sinning as they can...without crossing the line.

    So I sum it up like this: your spouse is due 100% of your AFFECTION and your LOYALTY. If you have an opposite sex friend, you would be giving some of your friendship loyalty to them at least and probably "like" them so that's some of your affection. In your vows you promised to forsake all others for your spouse, so that means they are owed 100%. Instead of asking "How far can I go?" I recommend asking: "How can I be more faithful?"

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  9. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! This is such a great post and an issue that comes up frequently even in the Church.

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  10. Totally agree with your view point here 100%! Like you we have heard from to many couples who think it's OK to have friends of the opposite sex. Even though there is no physical connection the emotional intimacy that is shared can and does impact the marriage.

    What many folks don't realize is that the Grass Isn't Greener, http://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/115-the-grass-isnt-always-greener. Instead of spending time with someone of the opposite sex and pouring emotionally into them you need to be able to do this with your spouse.

    When couples have a way to openly communicate their wants, desires, and dreams we see that the need to have a friend of the opposite sex decrease as well.

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  11. I think I agree. I had guy friend who was close but not like I told him everything everything just like good friends. I was kicked to the curb when he got married and having a hard time dealing with that because in my mind I have always imagined when he got married I gained a friend and of course our friendship decreases of course she is his #1. I don't think its wrong for us all to be friends though. And now that I've been hurt by my good friend I'm going to have a conversation w/ all my guy friends. I don't want to know their relationship issues and whatnot. I don't need to hang out with him alone, group settings are totally the way to go. And its not like i don't plan to get married, but I did think my boyfriend and them could of had double dates, future kids could of had play-dates, things like that because that's my friend and I did hope to keep our friendship on some level and appropriate one when he married would happen. But instead I'm insulted to be in a way labeled "the future other woman." And no I'm not obsessed with what used to be my friendship but my feelings are hurt, I hadn't seen this coming at all. I found out my place by having to basically call him out on not being a friend and saying we were no longer friends. But I feel like married people shouldn't act like single people are all evil and trying to ruin their marriage.

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  12. Anonymous (1-14-13)nailed it! My husband has a close friendship with a coworker who I fear is "the future other woman". The longer they are friends the more I worry that their emotional closeness will cross the line. The author here says, "We are designed to build emotional closeness that leads to physical attraction and its culmination in physical and emotional unity through sex." I *think* men and women can have successful platonic relationships, but I have to admit it doesn't make logical sense to me. I'm sure this sort of thing works for some marriages but it is bombing in mine. Anonymous shouldn't be surprised that she's seen that way and I recognize the misfortune in this. It's just that I'm a wife with plans for "till death do us part" and I believe having a close FOS is an unnecessary risk.

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  13. I have recently come across some texts from my others friend,and they were disturbing. Besides that, my other says that she came on to him and he kissed back, but stopped. I then found out that they were talking and texting one another almost every day for the last 7mo. My other says it was about nothing, running, lifting weights, her dad, etc. When I ask him about it he gets mad that I bring it up again. I feel that talking about it will heal me. I feel hurt that he didn't tell me about the kiss and that I had to find out the way i did and not from him. It's like I have to pry to get him to tell me about their friendship and he always seems to get mad when I ask and about bringing it up again. I still am hurt and want to talk to him about it with him not getting mad and defensive about it. There are holes in what he has told me and I just want to know everything. She was my friend too. I am to the point where I am going to go to her house so I can talk to her since she won't answer my calls. I feel if nothing really happened that she would meet and talk with me. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

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    1. The fact that your husband (?) is texting another woman on a regular basis is something of a concern. The fact that he's defensive about it and doesn't want to talk to you about it is even greater cause for concern. It sounds like he's hiding something. Of course, he may not have done anything, but if he's trying to keep a relationship with another woman secret, he's asking for trouble and probably headed in the wrong direction. Secrets tend to add an element of excitement that makes affairs more likely.

      He may be thinking this is all platonic and you should just trust him. It may hurt him that you are asking about this because he sees it as a lack of trust. But those who want to keep their relationship close want to keep all interactions with others above board. Both of you should strive to be accountable and to be open with each other, not to hide and then insist on trust.

      So, as I said, he may not have done anything. There's no reason to assume a problem at this point. But it is a good idea to get to the bottom of it. I wouldn't talk to the other woman, however. He will see that as going behind his back and reinforce his idea that you don't trust him, which will hurt him and perhaps push him away.

      What I would do is to insist on having a talk. Tell him you really need to explain to him how you feel. Make it at a good time when both of you can spend some time and won't be rushed. Make it non-confrontational as much as possible. And you may want to try having it while doing something together (fishing, making supper, or whatever activity you can do together that allows talking) rather than having a sit-down face-to-face talk. Men tend to do better when they don't feel like they're being interrogated.

      Talking about the specifics of what he did and didn't say to or do with the other woman may not be the best way to talk it out. You need to talk first about boundaries. You need to explain that you need to be able to trust him and that his hiding something makes it hard for you to do that. Talk about how you feel. Don't confront. Be conversational, but explain that this is important to you. Tell him you don't feel comfortable with him texting another woman regularly, even if it is completely platonic, unless you are welcome to see what he writes. Offer to extend him the same privileges to your personal correspondence with other men as well. The idea is to be open with each other in order to guard your relationship. It's not that you don't trust him, but you realize that ANYONE can be tempted when there is secrecy and a special relationship with someone else. You don't want to lose him and you want to be able to trust him completely. But trust is earned through good character and the willingness to be open about what you're doing.

      Also, the idea that talking about it will heal you is understandable. You're curious, a little worried, and want him to tell you everything so you can feel close to him again (sharing secrets builds intimacy). Just know that hearing everything may or may not make you feel better. Especially if there has been unfaithfulness, hearing everything may make you feel much worse. You do need to know how far things have gone though. And however far they have gone, you need to set boundaries in place so that his relationship with this other woman doesn't continue in secrecy.

      Anyway, that's where I would start. Be very careful in your tone not to be accusing or demanding when asking for a talk. Just state your feelings and tell him you need to talk for your own peace of mind and because you want your relationship to be strong and close. Don't insist on talking right away (like right this minute), but ask him to find a good time to talk with you.

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    2. It is nice to get other perspective about this situation. This only happened a couple of weeks ago, so it is still fresh. This woman was a friend of ours that was engaged to our other friend. Our friends split up and we still continue to talk with them both. We would do 5ks with her. I knew that they talked once in awhile and that's fine, but not once I found out how much they were talking. The fact that he told me that he didn't talk to her that much and then I find our cell phone records and there were the texts and calls almost everyday. Once I confronted him about those, he of course got mad that I would dig more stuff up. I just wanted to understand WHY he needed to talk to her everyday. I do believe deep down that the conversations, which were usually brief (few mins) were about what he told me. Running, our friend her ex, her dad that just died and running/lifting weights. I do believe that never of they would do that to me. It's not like I am digging for things, but I feel he should offer up any information that I want to know without getting mad. I am the one that feels a little betrayed. I even said to him that if this was roles reversed, he would be exactly the same way I am or worse. I don't hide my phone and he is able to look at it at anytime. I don't have any close male friends, because I don't feel that is appropriate for someone to have a relationship with someone of the other sex when you are in a relationship with someone else. Also, he recently just got a work phone that has a password. I figured out the password and that is how in intercepted the texts from her. I can check our cell records for calls/texts to her, but he does not receive any type of bill for his work phone. I want to believe that he has not contacted her, but there is 1% of me that thinks otherwise. I have looked at his work phone since, and there is nothing, but that does not mean he didn't delete the message/call records. There is a way that I can access his work phone records, and a part of me wants to do it, but the other doesn't. I don't want to find something if I do look at it, because I don't know what I'll do. I obviously will have gone behind his back to get a password sent to his phone so I can set up an account. This makes me sound like a crazy person. He didn't tell me how much they were talking, so it makes me wonder if he really did stop all contact. I did say he cannot talk to her anymore and he said that was fine, and he did delete her from both of his phones. I know you said that I shouldn't talk to her, but I feel like I have to. She was my friend too for 4 years. I feel like she owes me the truth behind everything as well. My fiance knows that I want to talk to her. I have texted her my feelings and got nothing for a week and then I texted her again asking her why she cannot answer me and she responded with "I am just sorry for what happened. Very sorry". I truly love him and want to get past this, but without some answers I feel like I am stuck thinking about it everyday. Part of me thinks I should just leave it all alone and carry on. The calls/texts were not late at night. He did say that most of them were when he was driving to and from work because he gets so tired driving 65min each way. Anyways, I just want this sick feeling that has been in my stomach for almost 2 weeks to go away. I've lost weight because of it. :/ I ran across a quote that said something like, "Don't overthink things, otherwise you'll make a problem that was never really there" Sometimes I just wish there was a magic answer to make everything better.

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    3. So, you're engaged, not married at this point. That makes a big difference. Either way, you would need to know, but it's more important to find out what is going on by any means necessary before you get married. Dating and engagement are periods when the rose-colored glasses need to be off because you are evaluating the other person to find out what kind of spouse they will make. You haven't made that marriage commitment yet and you can still get out if they aren't what you thought. Once you are married, you have a responsibility to honor your husband and to work things out because you made a commitment for life.

      That said, it may be wise to try to talk to the other woman if your fiance will not talk to you. I would at least give your fiance another chance to talk it out first. Explain how important it is to you to be able to trust him. But you need to know, before you marry this man, if he is going to be faithful to you. If he is carrying on a relationship with another woman (whether sexual or platonic) in secret, that is a huge red flag for your future marriage together. An inability to talk about things (i.e. him refusing to talk to you about something you care about) is also a red flag. I can't tell you how important it is to resolve this before moving forward into marriage. You don't want to find out after marrying him that he's going to carry on secret relationships and/or have affairs. Don't put yourself through that. This is the time for secrets to be out in the open so both of you can walk into marriage with complete confidence in the person you are marrying. This is the time to talk about the boundaries you will have as a couple in order to protect your future marriage. You have a right to expect him to be honest and open with you. If you can't move forward into marriage with complete confidence that nothing is going on between him and another woman and that he will keep proper boundaries in place in order to guard your marriage, then don't move forward. It's that serious.

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    4. We have been together 9 years and have 2 kids together. It's almost like we are married, but without the paper. Since all of this has happened, we have been great. I just have that nagging thought in the back of my mind. It's not as bad when he is home, but when he is at work is when I let my mind wander. I think that I would rather talk to her first before I looked at his work cell call records. I feel that if she was my friend too that she would respect me enough to talk me about the whole situation. Ive even told her through text that I am not irrational anymore and if we talk I am not going to yell at her. I told her she cannot talk/text/email him anymore either. I also told her she has lost 2 friendships. Thanks so much for your input. Talking to other people about this helps me not keep everything bottled up. :)

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  14. Hi Lindsay, I totally agree with you and thanks for your post. I am a wife for two years now, me and my husband are college sweethearts and engaged for 9 years so I really trusted him so much. But I can say that I can relate to your post because I was betrayed by my husband twice with the same woman. My husbands affair started November 2011 with his officemate a 21 years old single mom, It started with a simple conversation of each others life to emotional affair and lead to more serious pain sexual affair. At first i can say that my marriage is a happy one, something that can be look up to. But before the affair happened I really not fulfilled his sexual needs, he always asked me but I rejected him many times because Im still scared to get pregnant and I was physically drain with my work. I just notice that my husband change a lot, he comes home late, he even had rest day overtime. Thats the time I felt that something is wrong but I dont have proof. I am asking him but he always denied it. But someone send me pictures of them together that really devasted my whole world, so I found out their affair July 3, 2012. At first my husband denies it but when I showed him their pictures thats the time he confessed, I was really angry, hurt, and devastated. He told me that he was sorry, that he wants a chance to start a new life with me and never do it again, i even texted his mistress. So I give him a chance, we even talked and counseled by our pastor, so I trusted him again even if its really hard to do. I really take good care of him and give my 100% service as a wife, I got pregnant and we found out last Oct 2012 and we are so happy and I was hopeful that everything in my marriage is in the right
    path but I was wrong. I really didnt notice that my husband is still having an affair with that same woman because I was hopeful that he will not do it again and we are praying together. But this January 28,2013 I found out again that that their still having affair, my husband is still cheating on me eventhough I was carrying his child. I was really hurt and wanted to end my marriage. But he really never want to let me go, that he is now willing to change and willing to end his affair with that woman. I was really confuse and dont know what to do, i was really hurt and in pain when in fact I should be happy while I am carrying my baby. I prayed and asked God to give me strenght and wisdom, my husband asked for my forgiveness and working his part to regain my trust and rebuild our marriage but its really not easy. I gave him a chance but My life was now full of bitterness and insecurities, the nightmare is always on my mind. Sometimes I want to give up on my marriage but God is telling me to hang on and trust him. I am hoping that in Gods grace I will be healed, and In Gods grace he will change my husband as a man of God. Everyday me and my husband prayed together and have a bible reading that I think really helps a lot. I just hope that satan will not win over my husband again that God will give him wisdom in all his decisions in life especially now that in 3 months we will be a parent of a baby boy. Thank Lindsay, I hope u continue to share your wisdom and Gods gift to help couples revive their marriage.

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  15. Excellent post. Have a look at www.marriagebuilders.com to find more on the subject. The information on that site is the best advise on marriage I have ever read.

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  16. Jot this down, if you are doing something you wouldnt do, or sayinging something you wouldnt say if your spouse was standing right next to you....you are cheating.

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  17. I came across this article because I was searching for some insight on this subject. My fiance (we have been together 2 yrs) and I are having problems and I want to work them out prior to marriage. I agree with this article and feel that I respect the boundaries needed when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. The only men other than my fiance that I communicate with are friends I have had for 10 plus years. I had a facebook conversation with one the other day and mentioned that I missed him because I haven't seen him in years- in the same conversation I mentioned my fiance and the 2 of us visiting him. My fiance finds this disrespectful and says I am stupid to believe that men are ok with just being friends. He feels all men look at friendships with females as a possibility for more. I try and explain to him that if we have trust in our relationship that this shouldn't be an issue. Am I wrong to think that this conversation was innocent? I just don't feel like I should have to hide the fact that I miss a friend.. and why that is a bad thing. My fiance says that if I miss guy friends then maybe I should just be with my friends then and not worry about marrying him. Any advice? and just to clarify I have total respect for my fiance and do not say anything I wouldn't share with him, I am very open and I don't spend alone time with any of these friends.

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    1. I definitely agree that you should work this issue out before marriage. Boundaries for your relationship are important and have far-reaching effects.

      You mention that the only men other than your fiance that you communicate with are old friends of 10+ years. I would venture to say that how long you have been friends is irrelevant. How you communicate with them and what you communicate is what is important. Many people have developed feelings for, and even innappropriate relationships with, people they have known a long time, even if that relationship was completely platonic for many years. So you can't claim that nothing could ever happen simply because you've been just friends for a long time. In fact, familiarity often invites further relationship. Thus, it is the men you have known the longest that you should be especially careful around, with respect to boundaries.

      While I wouldn't go as far as your fiance and say that ALL men see relationships with women as potential for something more, a good number of them do. And even those who don't see things that way can develop feelings for a woman when they have regular interaction with her. And that is true, even if that interaction is through electronic means such as texting or facebook.

      We tend to think that electronic interaction isn't as close or as risky as face-to-face or talking by phone. But it can breed familiarity and fuel inappropriate relationships just as easily. As a general rule of thumb, don't say anything to any guy (regardless of how long you have known him) that you wouldn't say to him on the phone or in person with your fiance present. If it would be inappropriate for you to say, in person, that you have missed a guy, with your fiance standing right there, don't say it online or by text either.

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    2. To gauge if something is inappropriate, you have to consider more than just your motives. Your motives can be completely innocent (and they probably are), and the comment can still be inappropriate. You have to consider both how the friend might see it AND how your fiance might see it. In this case, your fiance is apparently not okay with what you said. That's a red flag that you might be getting too familiar with your male friend. Certainly you're being more familiar than your fiance is comfortable with, and that's a problem, even if both you and your friend think nothing of it right now.

      You should consider how comfortable your fiance is with your conversations with other men as very important. How would you feel if your fiance told an old female friend (or old girlfriend) that he misses her? He might mean nothing by it, but it probably would make you a little uncomfortable, even if you trust him and know he means nothing by it. And if you voiced your discomfort with something your fiance said to another woman, you would want him to take that into consideration and avoid that in the future. You should do the same for him. The best policy is to avoid any familiarity that your fiance is not okay with, even if you don't currently see a reason for the concern. If you value your relationship, you will have to make his concerns a priority.

      As for being "very open," while it is good that you do not share anything with other men you would not share with your fiance, it is easily possible to be too open without breaking that rule. The fact that you would share certain info with your fiance does not mean it is okay to share with others also. Some things are best kept private between the two of you, and that includes much of how you feel about things going on in your life, your future hopes and dreams, and a number of other intimate details of your life. You mention that you never spend time alone with thse friends, but keep in mind that a private conversation, even if it is electronic, is time spent alone with them. You don't have to be physically present to be alone with someone, and you don't have to spend time face-to-face in order to develop an emotional connection or even have an emotional affair. Guard even your emotions and your electronic communication if you want to make your relationship last.

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  18. I am Miss Lucy Hollywood., From united states of America.I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster..AND AGAIN I WILL WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THAT THIS SPELL CASTER I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESERVE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman,And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever,So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question,That my lover started cheating on me lately,When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her,She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me,The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her,And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT,POWER,DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER,she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster.SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME,THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS Dr. DAHIRU TEMPLE. My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster,She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem,Really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him,And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next two days, My lover that hated me so much came to house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now.. I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile in there faces !! The direct email to get this man is : arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com This is what i want to tell you all out there,That is thinking that all hope is lost ok..Thanks

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