I have seen a growing trend among certain groups of Christians to claim that those who are divorced and remarried are living in perpetual adultery and should divorce their second spouse and return to the first spouse. This is a very dangerous and unbiblical teaching.
It's somewhat understandable that people might believe this. We live in a time and place where divorce and remarriage are frequent and even the church has largely accepted it. In reaction against the common view that marriage is easily cast aside for any and every reason, some have tried very hard to go to the opposite extreme and consider marriage completely indissoluble. Yet rather than react, we must search the scriptures to find the right view.
Here are some Bible passages that show that second marriages are legitimate marriages and that divorce from a second spouse or a return to a first spouse is not permitted.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 "When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance."
Notice that the woman's second marriage here is obviously considered a valid marriage and the scripture specifically says that she must not go back and marry her first husband again. Her second marriage was an act of adultery (according to Jesus), but it also broke the tie between her and her first husband such that it would be a sin if she ever went back to the first husband - even if her second husband were to die. That's very powerful proof that remarriage does produce a valid marriage.
Jeremiah 3:1 says much the same thing: "They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD."
Again, a second marriage makes it impossible to ever go back to the first spouse. This is clearly spelled out in scripture.
So while Scripture does intend for divorced people to reconcile with their spouse (I Cor. 7:11), that is only the case if they have not married anyone else. If a second marriage has occurred, going back to the first marriage would be a sin.
I Cor. 7:12-13 "But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him."
Notice that, in this passage, even things which would normally be a sin to do (i.e. marry an unbeliever), once they are done, should not cause a divorce. One is supposed to carry on and not divorce, but live right from this time onward.
Some point out Jesus' statement that remarriage after divorce is adultery, and that is certainly true. It is a sin to remarry after divorce. However, the question is, if someone does remarry, whether the new marriage commits adultery as a one time thing or whether the new marriage is adulterous every day for the rest of their lives, which requires a second divorce in order to stop sinning. Jesus' statement, by itself, doesn't say which it is.
Some people assume, without proof, that the second possibility is the case without considering anything else. What we should do is use scripture to clarify that uncertainty rather than make assumptions. When we do that (as I did above), we see that the Bible teaches that a second marriage breaks the ties of the first marriage and forms a valid marriage, not continuous adultery, and thus that the first interpretation of Jesus' statement is the correct one. Remarriage is a one-time act of adultery, not on-going adultery, and the correct course of action is to remain faithful to the new marriage vows.
Another thing to consider, in addition to the Biblical case I already made, is God's purpose for marriage. God intends for marriage to be a stable, loving environment for the raising of children and also a picture of the love between Christ and the church. The idea that a person must divorce a second spouse is not only opposed to clear Scripture passages, but it runs counter to the plan God has for marriage. If a person has remarried, and especially if they have children in that new marriage, divorce only causes further harm to the people in the second marriage and any children they have. It is this damage that God hates. In fact, this kind of damage is the reason divorce is so harmful in the first place. Advocating further divorce to go back to a first spouse is telling people to cause more harm that God hates.
What it comes down to is that Scripture is clear that a second marriage breaks the tie of the first and the Bible never advocates more divorce. God hates divorce. He never tells anyone to divorce. What should happen when a divorced person comes to repentance is that they carry on, in whatever marital state they are in, and do their best to live for God going forward. If they can be reconciled to their first spouse, they should do so, but if they have married again, they should stay in that marriage and be faithful.
Jesus never stated that marrying again is a adultery nor a sin of any kind. What he do say is that if no divorce has taken place, then marrying again is adultery, cause one then is still married to the first husband and thus bound to him.
ReplyDeleteThis article elaborates a bit more on that: http://www.missiontoisrael.org/m-d-remar.php
That's not what the text says.
DeleteMark 10:11-12 And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."
It specifically says that remarrying after divorce is adultery. It breaks the vow of faithfulness for a lifetime that was made to the first spouse.
No, it specifically says that divorcing someone in order to marry someone else is adultery. It says nothing about the person who has had the divorce initiated against them remarrying. The ban on divorce after marriage very clearly applies only to the adulterous spouse: the one who initiated the divorce. I don't know why Christians refuse to take a literal reading of this, or of Paul's clear statement that every Christian should have a spouse .... even those who have been left by a pagan.
DeleteWhy don't you say what the Bible says: Remarrying after a divorce is adultery FOR THE PERSON WHO LEFT THEIR SPOUSE, except in cases of sexual immorality.
DeleteDeuteronomy 24:1-4 regarding remarrying your first spouse is one of the laws from Moses, not God. God always intended for marriage to be one man and one woman until one of the spouses die. Besides that, the old laws died when Jesus died on the cross…..he fulfilled all of the old laws. We now live under His Grace rather than the old laws.
DeleteThis is just a bad translation, the underlying Greek text used by most modern translations uses another word than divorce. If you read the article you will find out that "The Greek word for “put away” is apoluo, whereas the Greek word for “divorce” is apostasion".
ReplyDeleteIts quite simple if the woman is not divorced she would commit adultery by being married to another man. If she is divorced, then she can marry another.
The man is causing the adultery if he is not divorcing his wife.
Lindsay is correct in her article. Read for yourself what the Strong's says about the word in Matthew 10:11-12:
ReplyDeleteἀπολύω (apolyō)
Strong: G630
GK: G668
pr. to loose; to release from a tie or burden, Mt. 18:27; to divorce, Mt. 1:19; to remit, forgive, Lk. 6:37; to liberate, discharge, Mt. 27:15; to dismiss, Mt. 15:23; Acts 19:40; to allow to depart, to send away, Mt. 14:15; to permit, or, signal departure from life, Lk. 2:29; mid. to depart, Acts 28:25; pass. to be rid, Lk. 13:12
Looking at multiple translations, they regularly translate the word DIVORCE.
Jesus would not necessarily try to prove that a person NOT divorced is committing adultery if they marry someone else. That was common knowledge. What He was teaching was something that contradicted contemporary understanding. IF you divorce your spouse, and you remarry, it is being disloyal to your marriage and you are committing adultery. You may not like that idea but Jesus was definitely teaching that.
apostasion
ReplyDeleteMeans the legal process or bill of divorce.
Apostasion is in the noun form and Apoluo is in the verb form.
Joseph was going to Apoluo Mary privately so as not to make a public spectacle of her.
That means Divorce.
Can anyone explain the meaning in "he has found some uncleaness in her"?
ReplyDeleteThe root word translated "uncleanness" here is usually translated "nakedness" in most places and often has a sexual connotation. Some translations translate it as "indecency" in this passage. So perhaps it refers to some sexual sin on her part.
DeleteVery interesting and informative so what you are saying then that the rules set forth by Moses in Deuteronomy applies to us today as it did then and "if" ( which I have ) found "uncleaness" ...sexual sin .....in my wife I can divorce her and send her away with no sin on my part.
ReplyDeleteNo, I did not say that the rules of Deuteronomy apply to us today. However, they do inform us about God's moral laws, which do not change. Jesus called us to a higher standard than the law of Moses. The Mosaic law allowed for divorce, but Jesus told us that was because of the hardness of man's hearts. The new standard is that we are not to divorce and that remarriage after divorce is adultery (See Matthew 19, Luke 16).
DeleteInteresting God divorced israel a few times memory recalls so one would wonder if the quoted scripture is taken out of context for an example CHRIST himself spoke clearly that for the hardness of your hearts MOSES allowed for divorce . This puts into perspective what GOD himself thought .
DeleteAlso IF one marries another and GOD himself states it is ADULTERY then he does not recognize that marriage as legit he states marriage for clarifying what is meant in the passage.
As far as unequally yoked PAUL would not marry them he is referring to when 2 unsaved married persons one accepts Christ the other will not this is whom is being referred which matches paul's statement later on.
SO divorcing ie REPENTING which if we take the examples in the bible about ALL OTHER SINS then you have if you confess you also need to repent which has always meant to turn away from if we fall back in its rinse repeat till we get it right. so ,how can we see this one sin different like allowed to do it and not the others?? murder , drinking homosexual marriages as well that's not okay seems heavily unfair to them to have to dissolve it and not the adulterated one! ..do you believe GOD sees homosexual marriage as worse than an adulterated one??? or any other sin?
So dissolving an illegitimate marriage and ie repenting to be forgiven for it is not WRONG it is RIGHT you are breaking away from the sin of adultery GOD could care less about some paper work man states MARRIED with when GOD said NO it is adultery! .
There are warnings along the way the entire way into adultery and marrying illegitimately , keeping your marriage vows, so on, as you start an affair do you believe an apostle like Paul would not be all over you back then to stop .or else ? he kicked people out for less and expected repenting ie to STOP before they came back
.. and if you continued he of course one would be tossed out .. now if you still continued in the affair and went even deeper to the point that you now marry, you REALLY think someone like paul or peter would say well you repented by saying sorry even though you are still in that same situation but worse so hey come on back!
.. that is full out insane to believe .. I am in no way thinking someone goes to hell to clarify this as Gods grace is still present but in no way is there a clean slate if one remains in that!
all unrepented sin has consequences from hindered prayers walk with God financial problems health issues up to the point of cutting ones life short this is all bible and many examples are in it to show this!
just like when persons took communion unworthily many were sick and some went to sleep ie died . People do not respect Gods word and they use Christs blood as some way to keep sin alive rather than use it to squash it which is the opposite of the point of Christ sacrifice though we are human and we all sin BUT we all should repent and no one should be stating its fine to remain in sin its NOT fine and there is no other example that GOD just forgives and allows you to continue sinning with no consequences.
. But all that said , I like your article, this is my opinion, maybe wrong, maybe not wrong take it for what its worth anyone in this situation NO I repeat I do not believe it equals hell NOR do I think its the unforgivable sin .. that sin is a sin that you cannot be forgiven for in THIS LIFE and the next ..
adultery can be forgiven in this life and the next if you were to die under christ in it you will be forgiven in the next life .. the mark of the beast is more in line with that scripture you take it you can never be forgiven after that not in this life nor in the next ..thats my opinion on that ... okay sorry its long .. and for me ,fortunately I am not in that situation which i am sure is not hard to end up in these days .. and as I know its usually much harder than ones brain would think .
I need help please. I divorced my husband but now is late due to not taking care of us and adultery. I got married to a man who divorced his wife. He was not right according to him telling me. I fasted for patnes and l asked God as to how am l going to see him. I heard a small voice tellixactlug me how am l going to see him of which it happen exactly like a heard. We heard problems and he will leave. Everytime he left I will ask the Holy spirit if is the right one. If he is not I will ask the Holy spirit that he must not come back. He came back 3x.We are now settle and is 16years. Even our wedding party was a miracle. I even heard a voice when I was asking about many and planning the wedding party asking me why am I planning a small wedding while I serve a big big God. Based on the scriptures I am comfused now. If I did the right thing to marry to a man who is a divorcee. Which voice was speaking to me about this marriage 2x. Why he came back to me after I said to Holy spirit if He is not the one he must not come back. The people who saw this marriage in their dreams were wrong. I fear God and I don't want to go to hell. I am comfused. Many things showed that God has agreed I even said I am no more going to ask the holy spirit cause I keep on getting same answer that he is the one by action and voice I heard. I wish God can tell me once more
DeleteQuestion similar to the above topic, but certainly different as well. If a person who is a homosexual accepts Christ as his Savior can he remain in the marriage he is in with his existing partner if he has asked God to forgive him of the sin he committed when he entered into that marriage arrangement ? I have been taught that forgiveness is only obtained if there is repentance...turning away from the sin.
ReplyDeleteTwo men or two women cannot make a marriage. There is no such thing as same-sex marriage. Thus, someone who is living in a homosexual relationship should leave it when they repent, even if the state calls them married. It is not actually a marriage. Only a man and a woman can make a marriage.
DeleteLindsay, I appreciate your insight /comments, but still am confused about the act of repentance ( the change of mind and DIRECTION) and asking for forgiveness. I will go along with homosexuals are not really married, but what about a Mormon living in Polygamy and gets saved or two "believers" who have been divorced on unbiblical grounds. If one person can ask forgiveness and stay in the marriage/relationship why can't the other?
ReplyDeleteEven though remarriage after divorce is a sin in that it breaks the marriage covenant from the first marriage, it is a valid marriage and God expects believers not to break a second marriage vow. In the case of polygamy, while polygamy was never God's plan, the Bible is clear that a man can be married to more than one wife and thus be in more than one marriage at a time. Thus, a man who has more than one wife, when he gets saved, should be faithful to all of his wives, providing for them as he promised, and yet marry no more women. He should fulfill the covenants he entered. Similarly, a Christian is not to marry an unbeliever, but if they do they should continue in that marriage and keep their vows. Marriage is sacred and that is why we are to fulfill our vows, even if we ought not to have made the vows in the first place.
DeleteMarriage after divorce do not break the marriage covenant with a former spouse, but divorce itself breaks the covenant.
DeleteIf polygamy was never part of God's plan,how then can the bible be clear that a man can have more than one wife! Gods inspired word can't contradict His plan. The bible is clear that God prohibits polygamy.1 Corinthians 7:2
DeleteTo the individual confused about repentance and forgiveness.If two believers get a divorce on unbiblical grounds only the spouse who initiated the divorce needs to seek forgiveness.The other is innocent, although the spouse wanting the divorce would cause the other to commit adultery if remarried.A second marriage requires fidelity and commitment as does a first. Polygamy do not allow for staying in a relationship because it causes fornication as of necessity. Ongoing fornication without true repentance is unforgivable.
DeleteAccording to this logic ... the following is also true.
ReplyDeleteIf you were to steal a car, that would be a one time sin. But then the car is yours, and you should not feel guilty for having it. Simply take good care of it. Do regular maintenance, keep it clean, and treat it well. Ask God to forgive you for the sin of stealing the car, but now go and live an upstanding life with His blessing while using it.
No, that is not taught in scripture. Also, people are not property. And the marriage covenant and sexual consummation are sacred. It is because of the importance of sex and the children that result from it that one cannot go back to a first spouse once having joined to a new one. Thus, sex and marriage are in a very different category from property rights.
DeleteWhat is to keep anyone from getting remarried after a divorce then?
DeleteYou say it's a sin to get remarried, but once you are remarried it would be a sin to leave that marriage.
How does that even make sense?
If getting remarried is a sin, at what point after the wedding does it switch from being sin to being right?
When someone makes new wedding vows after divorce, they break the old marriage. They didn't keep those marriage vows. That's adultery. They didn't keep their word. They married someone else. But now that they made a new vow, they should keep that one. It was wrong to break the old vows by marrying someone else. Further breaking the new vows doesn't fix anything though. It only adds to the sin.
DeleteIf a thief steals another persons brand new car then repents of the sin, is it ok for the thief to keep the stolen car? True repentance would be evident in the thief returning the car then buying his own car. The former thief's new car then would be his to keep, not the one he stole. For me it's the same where marriage is concerned. If a woman marries another woman's husband and then repents, She should release (divorce) the "stolen" husband. He then should remain unmarried or be reconciled to his wife (same would be true if I were speaking from the perspective of a "stolen" wife). The marriage to the "stolen" husband was not valid before God (just as gay marriage is not valid). The entire act was an act of adultery. A stolen car that is kept by the thief remains stolen every day until it is returned (true repentance).
ReplyDeleteSpiritual adultery would be applied the same. If we serve other Gods and make pledges to them and then repent, can we honor those idolatrous pledges and be right with God? Those pledges were sinful and offensive to God. To honor them would be to remain in spiritual adultery (idolatry) and continue to offend the living God.
That may seem reasonable to you, but people are not property like cars and God's word directly teaches that we are not to go back to a previous spouse after remarriage. I would urge you to use scripture rather than your own understanding in order to determine the correct course I action.
DeleteHerein lies the problem. Why do we insist on trying to apply custom to as a norm rather than applying doctrine to our lives? We get so confused with custom. We try to apply Jewish Law as if it applies to us and the adaptation to our lives. In Jewish Law women were seen a second-class citizens. They were not counted as people, neither were children. Look at Mathew a Jewish man whose accounts were added to but the transcribers because of the Jewish Law.
ReplyDeleteThis was learned behavior from Jewish men, who could not allow women even to be counted. That is one of the reasons why Matthew (alone amongst the Gospels) mentioned in 14:21 that women were not counted when 5000 people were fed. Let us note that the statement: “Not counting the women and children” appears only in Matthew, while the story was recorded in all four Gospels. One may ask why only Matthew mentioned this.
Matthew was a Jew and as such he did not abandon his Jewish culture about the women when writing his Gospel. This statement also justifies the Jewish prayer which Rabbi Yehuda taught every man (male) to pray daily which says: “Praise is to you, God, that you have not created me a heathen, a woman and not a slave”
Even the word slave was mistranslated and misunderstood. Slave as we know it is a person who is discounted as a human amongst others. Biblically it meant ignoramus. Look at the constitution of the “God fearing United States.” The same applies here. We must stop trying to make the narrative a norm. It will never fit.
Galatians 3:28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. We need to search the principle of the scriptures. Again, We must stop trying to make the narrative a norm. It will never fit.
This is not accurate;
ReplyDeleteHer second marriage was an act of adultery (according to Jesus),
"I hate divorce" is something we should all adhere to, after all it's scriptural, right!? The answer to that is a resounding NO! It is doctrine that has been inserted into some translations of the Greek manuscripts.
The English word "divorce" was deliberately inserted for the Greek word which was "put away"!
Read Deut 4:2 and you will realize someone is in trouble as well as those of us who repeat their error.
Study the Greek words! Know what this passage actually means! It's each and every one of our responsibility to study to shew ourselves approved! What does that mean? It means verify! God warned us Jer 8:8 that the scribes/translators have corrupted His words/the original manuscripts for a reason. The English translations of the Manuscripts should not be trusted! God did not give them to us, He gave us the manuscripts! Am I condemning the Bible? NO! But again, if men have tampered with it don't be naive to excuse yourself from studying, from being a Berean! Or else your lack of study will show yourself "disapproved"!
Putting away is divorce. It means ending a marriage. I'm not sure what your point is here, but I have looked at the original words.
DeleteHello, that was my comment. A divorce has two components see Deut 24:1 The New Testament is very clear on the two components too. Two separate Hebrew words in the OT and two separate Greek words in the NT. What had been a problem in the OT and the NT is that men were "putting away" their wives without a writ forcing them to commit adultery. God was adamant in Micah that it was treacherous to "put away" a woman without a writ. The verse in Matthew that says God hates divorce is the Greek word for "putting away" which is translated putting away everywhere else but there! Hmmmm? Docrtine at work on the translators part.
DeleteJesus weighed in on the morality of divorce. There was a debate at the time whether a man could divorce his wife for any reason (even as little as burning his toast) or whether divorce was only justified for infidelity. They asked Jesus about this:
DeleteMat 19:3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?"
Mat 19:4 He answered, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
Mat 19:5 and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
Mat 19:6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."
Mat 19:7 They said to him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?"
Mat 19:8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
Mat 19:9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery."
Mat 19:10 The disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry."
Jesus clearly taught that divorce is only justified for sexual immorality, not for frivolous reasons. Furthermore, divorcing for other reasons forces the woman to remarry to have a husband to provide for her, which Jesus is saying is adultery.
Jesus is clearly discussing divorce, not just sending a wife away to fend for herself despite being still married. The context is the Jews asking when divorce is justified, which we know was a debate among Jewish scholars of the time. They even refer to the certificate of divorce in this passage to indicate they are talking about when it is permissible to issue one. And Jesus' answer was strongly in favor of preserving marriage, to the point that his own disciples were shocked and said it was better not to marry since you can't get out of it.
Jer 3:8 KJV
Delete(8) And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
SO I hope my first reply went through.
THanks
DeleteSo I'm confused then, is my second marriage continual adultery or? Because the author says it's not, but in the very last comment admits it's such a serious matter, that the disciples said it was impossible to get out of. If it's impossible to get out of, how is the second marriage valid?
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not impossible to get out of. It should not be broken for frivolous reasons. Divorcing and remarrying can be sin if there is not justification. But if you're already divorced and remarried, that's all in the past and what God wants is for you to be faithful to the marriage you have now. Even if you didn't have justification, you're remarried now. Be faithful where you are. The new marriage breaks the old one. You can't go back. You can only go forward with the marriage you have now.
DeleteI have a question that I’m torn on…..I was married at a young age and we have 3 kids. Grown now. I remarried years later and we have a good God fearing relationship with no kids. My ex-wife contacted me and apologized for everything. She wants to get married again. I can’t seem to find in the Bible what I’m supposed to do. I love them both and have prayed for both of them for many years and still do. Do I stay with my wife now or reunite my family?
ReplyDeleteYou can't go back to your first wife. You made a new covenant with your second wife and you cannot break it. The past is past. Move forward in keeping your current marriage vows. God never commands further divorce. Read the article for the scripture. Once you remarry, you can't go back to the first spouse. Ever. Not even if your second spouse dies.
DeleteHi Lindsay I am divorced and remarried and I was the cause for the divorce I think in my heart that I was we never really talked about it because he moved to a different state a little after we separated. I am currently married to the man that I had a affair with over 30 years ago and have a adult son with him every since I was listening to this preacher I liked his preaching and I started opening up my Bible and started reading and studying for myself and he preached one day and he said that I will go to Hell if did not leave my current Husband and reconcile with my former Husband and I have been trembling in fear of going to hell I can't sleep and everywhere I turn it is constantly being bought up are discuss like God is really convicting me I can't even sleep I have started looking at my husband differently. I had a dream this morning that I felt God had told me this is the day that you sit down an tell your Husband that you have to go back to your Ex Husband and I came to work and google the question if you are remarried should you leave and reconcile back to you divorce spouse and stroll down and you popped up I read your article on the subject and all the question that I had that no one never fully explained was there and answered and I got a understanding to what you are teaching and not because I am in that situation only because it makes sense I never tried to say that what I did was right and I know that I did admit that I did commit adultery and I am a adulteress and God do hate divorce and I know that I all I have done is not pleasing to God and I have repented with my whole heart but I was always unsure if leaving my current husband and reconcile to my first husband was the right thing to do so I thank you for your wisdom of delivering this message and answering question for God people who want to live right and honor God.
ReplyDeleteThank you for letting me know that my article helped you! The word of God truly does set us free. If you have repented and trusted in Jesus, you have been forgiven and you can move forward in your current marriage with God's full approval. Be faithful from now on to the husband you have. God can bring beauty out of all kinds of broken situations.
DeleteIt really breaks my heart people of faith are willing to impose such pain on those who have been divorced and remarried. Where is the compassion, restoration and healing in that teaching? Where is Christ in that teaching. In order to full this teaching you would need a checklist at the door of the church asking visitors if they have been divorced and remarried...and then ask them why. Otherwise you would be misleading them. The same checklist would be required prior to baptism. The church is not an exclusive club, Jesus came to heal the sick, not the healthy. A woman in my church believes I am living in perpetual adultry with my second wife. When I objected to her belief and asked her what she would tell people who are in this condition..she paused and said " I will tell them to read the Bible"
ReplyDeleteIts good advice but you have just accused them of sinning regardless if they accepted Christ on not.
God please forgive them.
Since you have not remarried, you can remarry your ex-husband. However, you should not live together or have sex until you get married again. Sex is only for marriage, according to the Bible. So if you want to remarry, you are free to do that. Wait until you marry to have sex.
ReplyDeleteI would recommend that since you are a Christian now, you should make sure that your ex-husband is also a Christian before you remarry. Christians are commanded to only marry fellow believers. One could argue that since you should not have divorced in the first place, it would be permissible to remarry your ex-husband even if he doesn't share your faith. It's just undoing the divorce. From the perspective of wisdom, however, it would be best if you could have unity in matters of faith before remarrying. It is very difficult to share a home and a life together when you're not in agreement on the most important thing in your life.
I filed for divorce because my ex husband heart had changed , and I later found out he had started another relationship. I regret my decision every day, he remarried 4 months after our divorce and has a baby on the way in a few months. I feel like I am being punished for divorcing forever . Sometimes I wish we could go back to the first marriage
ReplyDeleteThat's really sad. Sin brings so much tragedy. Unfortunately, you can't ever go back to your ex-husband. He's married to someone else. To break up that marriage would only bring further harm. I know it may feel like you're being punished. That's not really true. However, decisions do have consequences, and sometimes they're lifelong consequences.
DeleteWhat you can do is to repent of your sin and move forward in obedience to God from now on. You're free to remarry now since your ex-husband is remarried and you can't reconcile. If you remarry, you should choose a solid believer who is faithful to God. You should be faithful in that marriage and not divorce.
So, in Ezra, we see that the men had taken other wives & had children with them, but saw that it was a sin to do so. They repented, divorced these wives & sent them & their children away.
ReplyDeleteEzra 10:2-3 KJV
[2] And Shechaniah the son of Jehiel, one of the sons of Elam, answered and said unto Ezra, We have trespassed against our God, and have taken strange wives of the people of the land: yet now there is hope in Israel concerning this thing. [3] Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those that tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law.
Our God is all about reconciliation. This is what the new covenant is all about. God sent His Son Jesus Christ so that the world could be reconciled to Him. I strongly disagree that if a spouse has divorced & then remarried, it is a sin for them to be reconciled to the first spouse, even if divorce is involved to do so. God is all about restoration & reconciliation. If the 2nd marriage is viewed as adultery & sin, why would He want a person to continue to live in sin? In my eyes, it makes more sense for there to be repentance for the sin & restoration of the first marriage. We see in Ezra that there were no qualms about putting away the 2nd spouse & subsequent children because the union was created out of sin.
In Ezra, the wives that were put away were not second wives they had left their first wives for. This passage is not about going back to a first spouse at all. The problem was that, under Mosaic law, the Jewish men were not to marry pagan wives from foreign lands as they brought their wicked idolatry with them and infected their society with idolatrous practices. In divorcing those pagan women, they were choosing to follow God above all. Before Christ came, there was no Holy Spirit available to dwell in believers. Sin was like a cancer that infected everything. They had to physically distance themselves from it.
DeleteIn short, nothing about this passage says that these men were supposed to divorce their wives in order to go back to a first wife. They were supposed to divorce their pagan wives (whether first, second, third, or whatever number) in order to purify their society and maintain the worship of God. Note that if those wives joined the covenant of Israel by becoming Jews, they would not be divorced. This was only about pagan wives who did not follow the God of Israel.
In the new covenant, we are told that believers who are married to an unbelieving spouse are not to do as these men did in Ezra and divorce the unbelieving spouse. They are to dwell with their spouse if the spouse will dwell with them.
1 Corinthians 7:12-15
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
This shows that the practice in Ezra of putting away a pagan spouse no longer applies. That's not the calling of Christians. Christians are to remain married to a non-Christian spouse if their spouse will live with them peaceably. However, they cannot keep the other person from leaving if they choose to leave.
We do know that it is directly forbidden to go back to a first spouse once a new marriage has been consummated because of direct scriptural teaching. Nothing in the new covenant has replaced this teaching.
Divorce and remarriage is old testament.
ReplyDeleteJesus was even talking about marriage and divorce while the old testament was still going on.
But in the new testament rne Apostle paul says if a wife abandons or leaves the she is to remain single or be reunited with her husband, and to the husbands he says do not divorce your wives.
Yes, a wife should not leave her husband, and if she does, she should remain single or be reunited to her husband. What I'm dealing with in this article is those who already remarried. They didn't obey that command. Perhaps they were not even saved at the time. What do they do now? They cannot go back to their first spouse because they have already remarried.
DeleteVery insightful, I read all the comments and I am still not sure whether I am in good standing with my maker. I guess we all have to seek our salvation solely. I would rather divorce and ask God to forgive and empower me to live a single life and serve him with my all than to stay in the second marriage pondering and worrying about what if. It’s about divorce vs adultery. If adultery is ongoing not a one time sin.. for example you have an abortion and you are remorseful and you ask God to forgive you and you don’t do it again, I can confidently say you are in good standing with God however if it is continuous then you are not. The Bible clearly states that adulterers will not go to Heaven. So I think everyone should seek their own resolution with the help of the Holy Spirit. In my opinion it will be unfortunate for you to decide to leave or stay because of someone’s opinion. It’s your life so you must ensure that you do whatever you can not to miss Heaven. Thanks again
ReplyDeleteI just want to make sure you know that you can't earn heaven by anything you do. You can't be good enough, and neither can I. We are all sinners many times over. That sin separates us from God. Adulterers will not go to heaven. Neither will liars or thieves or the proud or the selfish or anyone else. None of us deserve heaven. The good news is that Jesus was good enough, and He died for us to pay for our sins. When we trust Him for salvation, he takes away all our sins and makes us worthy of heaven. We can only be worthy through Him, not by doing all the right things. It's good that you're thinking seriously about what is the right thing to do. I just want to make sure you know that you can't know you're in good standing with your Maker by what you do to be worthy. You can know you're right with God if you're trusting in Jesus to make you worthy through His blood.
DeleteJust to be clear, my first marriage ended because of adultery,{mine}. In my backslide state I remarried an unbeliever. Since getting remarried again, I came back to God. My husband is not a believer. I have asked for forgiveness about my sins that lead to my first divorce. And for my remarriage. I am still with him. What does the Bible say about this?
ReplyDeleteThe Bible never teaches further divorce. Go and be faithful to the husband you have now. You can't go back to your first husband. Scripture clearly forbids that. So be faithful where you are. As Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, "Go and sin no more."
DeleteSo if i devorced my wife married a another woman that is adultry and my first wife us left alone without a husband and i cant make things right with her by repentance of an adulterous marrage it means she must be alone for the rest of her live or hope to find some one that sounds like torture to me, think about the spous that did not want the devorce and true to the marrage
ReplyDeleteIf a woman's husband divorces her and marries someone else, then yes, she cannot go back to her husband and will have to live alone or marry someone else. Divorce is terrible, and this is one of the reasons.
DeleteOne reason to forbid people from going back to a previous spouse after they remarry is to prevent further divorce. For example, if a man leaves his first wife and remarries and then decides he likes the first wife better, he can't just leave his second wife to go back to the first wife. That would leave the second wife abandoned. God's laws help to stop further damage. The first marriage has already broken and that was terrible, but breaking a second marriage just causes further damage.
Another reason for this prohibition on going back to a first spouse is to prevent convenient divorce and remarriages like the Muslims do. Their laws forbid prostitution or having more than 4 wives at a time, but they get around this with "temporary marriages." A woman "marries" a man, they have sex, and then he divorces her and she "marries" the next man. So basically, she's a prostitute with extra paperwork. Some men have been known to hire out their wives by "divorcing" her, letting her "marry" another man for the night, and then that man "divorces" her and she remarries her first husband.
The laws of God prevent this abuse. Once you break the marriage with a divorce and remarriage, you can't go back. It's permanent. You better think long and hard about your choices because they can't be reversed.
Hey Lindsey,
ReplyDeleteOut of so many articles and videos I’ve read yours gives a lot of hope. I believe that I am guilty and harsh on myself. I had gotten married at 18 and my ex was a narcissist who was awful and ended up being abusive and tried to kill me one day. I was so scared I had to leave, but he kept showing up everywhere I was and I was terrified… instead of running to Jesus, I trusted my flesh. While we were finally ready to sign papers (cause I wanted him away from me) he caught me holding hands with someone at my job. He tried to strangle me and ran out the door when he noticed cameras.. everyone just watched. After it was finalized I think I was barely 20 and might’ve been already living with this other person… but life got a worse a few months later. I called him up in a heartbreak because I thought we could work it out. He lied to me while meeting up and promising me false promises and he was already engaged after only 4/5 months of being divorced. They got married and had a child. My life was awful I was on drugs and went through so much sin and wasn’t living for God. I got remarried to someone I actually ended up breaking down and begging God to send me who would love him and was meant to love me. I thought I was doing right.. but we were going through a lot of highs and lows after Covid and death but the two blessings of being able to finally have children when I believed I would never conceive happened with two beautiful boys. Then well, adultery came into our marriage… this went on as for a few months… the last few months we agreed to make a change and make God a priortity in our family. I know this is a lot but my husband is the only one I’ve shared this all with. He believes we’re forgiven, I want to believe it so bad. I’m so scared God sees us for the sin but I’ve done nothing but study and search and cry and beg and pray. I don’t want to live life anything like I have before because all I feel right now is enormous guilt. I pray for his mercy because I can’t imagine losing everything I’ve ever wanted in this life. Pray for me 🩷
I'll certainly pray for you. I also want to make sure you know the true gospel because sometimes (not always), people feel continued guilt because they're trying to reform themselves and become worthy of God's favor by their own effort. Our default human tendency is to think of ourselves as a good person. However, those who recognize that we have sinned and stand guilty before God often think that if only we stop sinning and live a good life from now on, then God will be pleased and forgive us. These efforts all rely on our own ability to earn God's favor by doing good works. Yet the Bible is clear that no amount of good works can save us or erase our past sins (Ephesians 2:8-9; Romans 3:20; Galatians 2:16, 3:10; Isaiah 64:6). Even if we all lived a perfect life from today onward until our deaths, that would not make up for the sins we have already committed. And of course, none of us is going to be perfect anyway. This is why we need Jesus to save us. We need a Savior who lived a perfect life on our behalf. We must rely on the goodness of Jesus, not our own good works.
DeleteI hope that you already know this and you're just struggling with feeling it, but in case you're trying to earn salvation with your own effort, it's important that you understand how vital it is to rest in the perfect sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Only through faith can we please God (Hebrews 11:6). We must acknowledge that Christ is enough for us. We can't be good enough, but He already is. Those who trust in Christ are completely forgiven, not because of how sorry they are or how badly they feel about their sin or how carefully they do right in the future, but solely because of God's grace and the blood of Jesus. When you really understand that, you can walk in freedom. Your salvation is not dependent on you. You could be the most wicked sinner ever to walk the Earth and still stand before God completely clean because of Jesus. So trust in Jesus and be free. We are not worthy, but He is, and He gives us His goodness as a free gift through faith. When you trust Christ, God sees you clothed in the perfect righteousness of His own son. Your sins are gone. They were fully paid for on the cross. This truth will set you free.
I don’t understand the authors acceptance of adultery being once “when the (new) “marriage” occurs.” I believe Scripture points to adultery and an adulterer, which is a person who lives in a constant state of adultery, or the one who committed adultery is unrepentant and lives in their adultery. Repentance requires changing directions once the Spirit has changed the heart. A “repentant robber” would not keep the money he stole. A “repentant abuser” does not say sorry and continue abusing. A repentant heart changes behavior and their circumstances. For example, my Christian wife of 13 years, left me for a married man. They divorced their spouses, committed adultery, then got married making them adulterers. Their marriage is continuously living in sin, making them adulterers- who shall not inherit the kingdom of heaven. That is not my hope, nor my decision or judgement, but I believe Scripture supports that.. and until they repent, and renounce their “marriage” that was done in a courthouse(not before God-which is another topic), they will continually be living in sin.
ReplyDeleteIt is certainly necessary for your ex-wife to repent of her adultery if she is to inherit the kingdom of God. However, scripture also teaches that the new marriage does, in fact, prevent her from ever returning to be your wife. I gave the scripture passages on that. Further divorce is not the solution. I am sorry that you have been through this heartbreaking hurt. Divorce and adultery are so damaging all around. This is why God hates them.
DeleteOne reason that going back to a previous spouse is forbidden is to prevent the abuses that come if it is allowed. For example, the Muslims allow a man to share his wife legally. He can divorce his wife, let her "marry" someone else for the night, then the new man "divorces" her, and she remarries the first husband. In this way, they pretend there is no sin for a man to pimp out his wife to his friends. God's word prevents such things and discourages divorce by making it forbidden for a wife to go back to a former husband once she has remarried. They cannot go back to the way it was, so they better think long and hard about their actions. Some actions simply cannot be undone. The damage has been done. God can forgive the truly repentant, but there's no going back.
I was one of those that remarried my former spouse after divorcing my second. I live almost daily with guilt and wondering if what I’ve done is going to send me to hell. I’ve asked god for forgiveness but I sometimes feel he wants me to divorce again. It’s all so confusing.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of what you have done, you can come to Jesus in repentance and trust Him to save you. Salvation is not based what we have done (or what we refrained from doing). Salvation is a free gift for those who have faith in Jesus. Jesus has already done everything necessary to clear your debt with God. All you have to do is giving up trying to be good enough on your own and rely on what Jesus has already done.
DeleteAs for your situation, wherever you are and in whatever situation when you repent, just be faithful to God from then on. Don't seek further divorce. God hates divorce. Be faithful to the husband you have now.
Hi Lindsay. If one divorces their spouse and marries another then divorces the second spouse and remarries to the first one should they divorce again whether or not they knew remarrying their first spouse was wrong?
ReplyDeleteWhatever situation the person is in when they repent, they should not seek further divorce. They should be faithful from that point on. So if they have already remarried their first spouse, they should continue with that marriage.
DeleteIf the innocent party remarries to someone else can the guilty party remarry if he or she becomes a Christian?
ReplyDeleteYes. If you can't go back, you're free to move on. There is forgiveness in Christ for those who repent.
DeleteAnd what are the justifiable reasons for divorce?
ReplyDeleteThis is a complicated topic. If you're wanting to study it out, I recommend Mike Winger's teaching on the topic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2pC6ZikbYo
DeleteDo you know about this Bible verse?
ReplyDeleteDo you not know, brothers and sisters—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? 2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. 3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.
Romans 7:1-3
And does this apply to the innocent AND guilty party?
This Biblical passage might sound like it's about marriage and divorce, but it's not. Paul is making an argument about salvation. He's using marriage as a picture of being tied to the Old Testament law, as if we were a bride and the Mosaic Law was the groom. Just as a woman is no longer tied to her husband if he dies, we are freed from the old law which died with Christ. We are then free to be married to Christ in a new covenant. It's about the place of the old and new covenants, not really about marriage. It's not weighing in on exactly when someone can divorce or remarry. It is only dealing with the death of a spouse and whether the widow can remarry when her husband dies because it's relevant to the theological point Paul is making about the law.
DeleteAnd is remarriage for the innocent or guilty party? Depending on which one of them remarries first?
ReplyDeleteIf there is a guilty and innocent party in a marriage (e.g. one of them committed adultery), the guilty party is guilty of their sin in being unfaithful. The right thing to do for both of them is to try to mend the relationship, if possible.
DeleteIf the innocent party cannot be reconciled to their spouse because they refuse to repent, they are free to divorce and remarry. The Bible speaks of this in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 as the unbeliever departing. If the unbeliever (guilty party) will not dwell with their spouse in peace, then the believer (innocent party) is free of the marriage. This also suggests they are free to remarry.
The guilty party is responsible to try to mend the marriage they harmed. If their spouse will forgive, this is best. If their spouse will not reconcile, then they should remain unmarried in hopes of one day reconciling. It was their fault the marriage was broken. They can't just shrug off their responsibility to seek reconciliation. However, if their spouse remarries, then reconciliation is impossible. They can then be free of the marriage and remarry.
Keep in mind that trying to reconcile does not mean the guilty party is now free of sin in the matter. They are still guilty of the infidelity. But there is forgiveness in Christ for those who repent.
And is it adultery if a married person has sex with a never before married person or is it fornication?
ReplyDeleteIt's adultery. Fornication refers to 2 unmarried people having sex before marriage. Fornication could be at least partially rectified by marrying. They were premature in having sex before the vow, and that's wrong, but if they stay together, some of the harms of fornication are lessened. For example, if they conceive a child, he or she will be raised in a married home if they marry.
DeleteAdultery refers to sexual sin that breaks a marriage vow. One or both parties are taking what belongs to someone else. They aren't just having sex before the vow. They're actively violating the marriage. They are having sex with someone else's spouse. They are not only harming each other, but also betraying the innocent spouse.
I’ve seen that guilty parties cannot remarry, but the innocent party can. Who can remarry?
ReplyDeleteIdeally, the marriage would be reconciled. However, if an unbeliever has left the marriage and refuses to reconcile, then the innocent party is free to divorce and remarry.
DeleteHow does one become forgiven for remarrying after an unbiblical divorce?
ReplyDeleteThe same way one is forgiven for any other sin. The only solution is to rely on the sacrifice of Jesus as a sufficient payment for sin. The blood of Jesus washes away every type of sin. There's no separate category for adultery. By repenting of sin and turning to Jesus, casting oneself on His mercy, He forgives the guilty. All of us are guilty of something, whether adultery or not. All of us need this salvation.
DeleteIs marriage broken by death, divorce, or remarriage? And can the guilty
ReplyDeleteparty after an unbiblical or biblical divorce remarry if the innocent spouse dies?
Marriage can be broken by death for sure. If the spouse dies, the marriage is over. The remaining party can remarry.
DeleteMarriage can be broken by remarriage because this means that they cannot be remarried to one another. This is a tragedy, but we live in a fallen world, and they do happen sometimes.
Marriage can be broken by divorce, but this leaves a responsibility to at least try to reconcile. They're not married if they're divorced, so there's no marriage responsibilities. They shouldn't have sex or combine finances or live together if they're divorced. But they do have some responsibility to try to renew the marriage, if possible. If that is not possible because of hard-hearted refusal to repent by the guilty party or because the other party has remarried, then the marriage cannot be renewed. This is a tragedy. We should mourn this.
How do you repent of an unbiblical divorce and remarriage?
ReplyDeleteThat's a very good question. First, recognize that you did wrong. You broke your vows. You sinned against your spouse and against God. You broke God's laws. You stand guilty. You cannot make up for that sin with any good things you do in the future.
DeleteThen, believe that Jesus died for that sin (and all your other sins). His sinless life and sacrificial death were sufficient to pay for that sin. He did that for you. He took the punishment you deserved (and that all of us deserve).
Finally, tell God you are sorry for your sin and you are trusting in Jesus to save you. Jesus has promised to save all those who come to Him in faith. Faith is that act of relying on Jesus, not yourself. He was good enough. He will save you if you trust Him.
This is the way God has chosen to make salvation available. Those who proudly assert that they are good enough are rejected. Those who refuse to give up their own way are rejected. But those who come to God with empty hands, realizing they are not and cannot be good enough to earn His favor, but that Jesus paid their debt - those God will never cast out. In them, God sees His perfect Son Jesus because He took their place.
For some scripture on this:
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Romans 10:9-10 That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.
If you have done this, then you can know that God has forgiven you.
1 John 5:12-13 He who has the Son has the life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have the life. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life.
Are you still committing adultery if your ex-spouse who was an innocent or guilty party remarries? Because I think of this Bible verse:
DeleteAnd I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Matthew 19:9
This is a complicated topic. If you're wanting to study it out, I recommend Mike Winger's teaching on the topic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2pC6ZikbYo
DeleteCan unbiblically remarried couples still have sex after asking God to forgive them and kiss each other on the lips and everywhere like every married couple does?
ReplyDeleteYes, definitely. It's not an inferior marriage or a different kind of marriage. They should be loving to one another and build their marriage. God doesn't want them to mistreat each other or break their vows.
DeleteWhat is an act of true repentance regarding same-sex spouses? Should they divorce?
ReplyDeletePeople of the same sex cannot make a marriage. Their union might be called a marriage by our ungodly culture, but it is not. God defined marriage as a man and a woman in the beginning. The man and woman become one flesh, meaning a sexual union of complementary opposites who join together in a biological union. Only a man and a woman can become one flesh. With every other organ system of our bodies, we have all the parts to complete the purpose on our own. We have all the parts of the circulatory system - the heart, the arteries, the veins. We have all the parts of the digestive system - the stomach, intestines, liver, etc. But with the reproductive system, each person has only half of the organs necessary to make a baby. Two sexes must join together to complete the task of reproduction. Thus, a man and a woman literally become one flesh, or one biological entity, united in a single biological task, when they have sex. They're joining together as one to fulfill the purpose of their reproductive organs together. Only a man and a woman can do this. Two men or two women cannot complete each other's reproductive task. The parts don't fit. They cannot be one flesh. They cannot make a marriage. Their sexual acts are mere mockery of God's design and violation of God's commands. They should legally divorce, but they were never married in the first place. They should cease all sexual activity because it is a perversion and not actually sex as God designed it.
DeleteAbsolutely. You should treat your current spouse with love. You're really married to them. You should honor that commitment.
ReplyDeleteIf same sex spouses divorce are they committing adultery by remarrying to people the opposite sex of them?
ReplyDeleteNo. They were never married, so it's not adultery to marry.
DeleteSome baptist church claims that it’s a lie that it’s a sin to break the second marriage covenant:
ReplyDeleteLIE #6: "IT'D BE A SIN TO BREAK THE COVENANT OF A SECOND MARRIAGE"
In the same way God does not recognize a gay couple making a covenant at the altar, he does not recognize a divorced and remarried couple making a covenant at the altar. As such, to end a gay marriage is not sin, and to end an adulterous marriage is not sin. Passages such as Romans 7:3 and John the Baptist's rebuke of Herod prove that adulterous "covenants" have no standing in God's eyes.
Romans 7:3 "So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man."
Who’s telling the truth?
I gave the scripture supporting my position in the article. I also explained above in the comments why Romans 7:3 is not talking about divorce. It's making a very specific argument about the old and new covenants.
DeleteIf someone commits polygamy is that second marriage blessed?
ReplyDeletePolygamy is a complicated topic. Polygyny (one man having multiple wives) was tolerated for a time by God because the alternative in a broken world was worse. Women needed a man to provide for them. Either they were cared for by their father or by a husband or they inherited the property of their dead husband or they had a son to provide. If none of these happened, women and any small children in their care were at very high risk of starving to death or being raped or enslaved by whoever came by. Women without a man were often forced into prostitution, not out of choice, but because it was the only alternative to starvation. Now add to that the fact that men were more likely to die in hard labor or in wars. So there were times that there were more women than men.
DeleteIn this situation, allowing a woman to become a second or third wife of a wealthier man was better than letting her starve or become a prostitute. At least then she has a right to decent treatment and any children she bears will have a known father and a future.
Of course, polygyny was never God's design for marriage, and it is definitely inferior to monogamy in many ways. However, it was something of a necessary evil. It was regulated by God in the Mosaic law so that wives could not be neglected if their husband married another woman. It was not promoted. But it was allowed. A marriage between a man and second or subsequent marriage was considered a valid marriage.
In the New Testament period, there have been some changes. The new covenant tells us that the obligations of marital sex go both ways, with husband and wife belonging to one another and having a claim to each other's bodies. This implies that a husband's body belongs to his wife, and thus that he doesn't have a right to join his body with another woman. This was a revolutionary idea. In addition, the New Testament requires that church leadership must be husbands of one wife, not polygynists. This sets up monogamy as the standard to which all Christian men should aspire. This is God's plan and design.
Who should you confess your sin of unbiblical remarriage after an unbiblical divorce to besides God?
ReplyDeleteTo your first spouse and any children you had. Potentially to the second spouse and anyone else hurt by the sin.
DeleteHow about your parents and in-laws? What if they don’t want to hear about it as it can be the day of their death (figurative when it comes to putting a nail on the coffin)
DeleteThose people might be hurt by the sin as well. It depends a lot on the situation. Each situation will vary.
DeleteIs everything you're saying in this article your opinion or fact-based?
ReplyDeleteMy view is based on the facts, especially the text of scripture and the principles derived from it.
DeleteWould it be a sin for the guilty spouse to divorce the innocent spouse with reasons including not wanting to have kids with the innocent spouse but rather having kids with someone else because the guilty spouse wants their future kids to think exactly like them, politically and theologically? The guilty spouse is liberal and the innocent spouse is a conservative Christian in this case.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's a sin. Nothing in scripture or the marriage vow says you can end a marriage because you disagree about something. In fact, the vow is intended to hold husband and wife together even when they disagree, which is going to happen at some point.
DeleteDoes this free the innocent spouse to remarry or both of them in this case?
DeleteIs it still a sin for the guilty party to remarry if the innocent spouse remarries, making any reconciliation impossible?
DeleteIf reconciliation is impossible, then they are free to remarry. That is my understanding, at least.
DeleteBecause many people claim that the guilty party has no right to remarry but that the innocent party does. I don’t believe that to be the case.
DeleteIs it a sin to divorce and remarry if your spouse was abusive towards you (verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically)?
ReplyDeleteThere could be situations where abuse justifies fleeing the marriage. The goal should be reconciliation. However, there is a point where it is justified to divorce and remarry. Essentially, the abusive spouse has left the marriage and the believer can let them go. I gave a video that covers the details. I think we have to be careful not to call everything abuse when maybe it's sinful and dificult, but not abuse. Real, on-going abuse does justify divorce, but not everything called abuse is really abuse. It's a difficult topic that takes discernment in each case. I recommend walking through the details with a trusted mentor you know in real life.
DeleteWhat is the most reliable translation in the Bible regarding all that you taught about marriage, divorce, and remarriage?
ReplyDeleteIs it our place to tell people that they must reconcile with their spouse if they divorced them unbiblically? This person is divorced and has a son (when she was married to her husband) and now has a new boyfriend and is happy and in love with him and she is pregnant with her boyfriend's child.
ReplyDeleteThat's a very difficult situation, and there's no one solution that will solve everything. At least one of her children will be raised without their father in the home. That's a terrible tragedy that can't be fully mended at this point. Sin is so destructive.
DeleteWhat I would say here, to the young woman, (if I had the chance) is this. The first and most important thing that needs to happen is that you repent before God and trust in Jesus for salvation. There is no mere man that can make you whole. No matter how your romantic life turns out or what man you're with, the most important thing is your eternal soul. You need forgiveness from God. You need the blood of Jesus to wash you clean from all your sins. Get right with God first. Give your life to Jesus, repent of your sin, and make serving God your first priority.
What happens with her love life will depend on a lot of factors I don't know. It's very complicated.
There could be situations where her rightful husband is still unmarried, willing to forgive her, and they can be reconciled despite her adultery. I have known couples who were able to restore a happy, healthy marriage after infidelity. The new baby would complicate matters, but as long as the husband was willing to love that child as his own and father him or her well, that might be the best case. It takes a very special man to do that, however. And I would recommend to be extremely careful to discuss this fully and examine his character before remarrying to her first husband because the infidelity will cause hurt and some men would take out their hurt on the child.
In other situations, the first husband would not be willing to reconcile. She broke the marriage. She was unfaithful. She's now carrying another man's child. Most men would never forgive her or want her back. In that case, she can't fix the harm done to her first child. She can't give him an intact home. But she can do her best to build a stable home with the father of her second child and do her best for the first child within that home. As long as the boyfriend is a decent man, not abusive, and willing to be a loving stepfather to her first child, it could be best for her to marry him. Since reconciliation is not possible with her first husband, she would be free to remarry in order to do the best she can for her kids.
There could be situations where she cannot or should not marry either man. She should remain single. For example, if both men are abusive or have major character flaws (anger problems, addictions, unfaithfulness, etc) or if they are neglectful or abusive toward her other child (not theirs), she might need to flee both of them. Having a child with a bad man doesn't mean she should stay with him. Or perhaps her first husband was a good man, but he won't reconcile or he's already remarried, and her boyfriend is abusive or has bad character and is not a safe or wise choice to marry. In these cases, after she repents and gets right with God, she might need to remain single and do her best to raise her kids without either of their fathers.
There's no easy solution in a case like this. I would focus on getting right with God first, and not rushing into any marriage. Doing the best she can overall for her kids will probably be the most important consideration after that.
This woman is a celebrity’s soon-to-be ex-wife and I sometimes feel like sliding into her DM’s and telling her she should reconcile with her husband but she’s so happy and in love with her new boyfriend and that new man makes her the most special girl in the world according to her. Should I recommend she reconciles with her husband or should I mind my own business?
DeleteUnless you know each other fairly well, it is not likely to have any effect if you say something. It also sounds like they're not Christians, so they won't care about doing what is right before God. They need the gospel message. They need evidence that Christianity is true. Until they recognize the existence and authority of God, they won't care what God thinks of their behavior.
DeleteSorry to sound annoying, but should I tell her even if I don’t know her well or should I just pray for her? And her soon-to-be ex-husband has a new girlfriend and spends most of his time in her country. And sometimes in Florida because he has visitation rights with his son.
DeleteI don't know the situation, so I wouldn't know what you should say. Pray about it.
DeleteHer first husband has a new girlfriend now.
ReplyDeleteIs it a sin to remarry if you divorced your spouse for reasons like him being in drugs?
ReplyDeletePlease watch the video above for all the details on what the Bible teaches and then walk through your individual case with trusted mentors who can help. If the divorce is justified, then the remarriage is justified. Not all drug use justifies divorce. It's a complicated topic that would need wisdom for that individual situation.
DeleteIs an unbiblical divorce and unbiblical remarriage as well as a biblical divorce and biblical remarriage a/the unforgivable sin?
ReplyDeleteOf course not. There are no unforgiveable sins. The only unforgiven sins are those you won't repent of.
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