tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5576985008275511255.post1949218648899817600..comments2024-03-24T12:20:39.636-04:00Comments on Lindsay's Logic: Biblical Dating: IntentionalLindsay Haroldhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13094965953749825163noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5576985008275511255.post-65038989824266665062017-05-30T14:05:56.110-04:002017-05-30T14:05:56.110-04:00It's rather old-fashioned these days for a man...It's rather old-fashioned these days for a man to pay when he takes a woman on a date. These days, people don't often view dating as the man taking the woman out, but rather as a man and woman choosing to spend time together building a relationship. If that's the way you want to approach it, then that's your choice. But there is a reason that the tradition for many years was for men to take a woman out and pay for the date.<br /><br />In the past, men were the leaders and initiators of relationships and women were the followers and responders. In any sexual relationship, the woman bears the greater risk because of her ability to get pregnant. Because romantic relationships are inherently about sex (even if you wait until marriage to have sex, which is proper), a man initiated the relationship by inviting the woman to consider him as a potential husband. He was, in essence, asking her to consider bearing his children. And his leadership in the relationship was designed to show her that she would be provided for, cared for, and safe if she were to marry him. Because she bears the greater risk if they marry, he is the one who is honored if she considers him and chooses to spend time building a relationship with him. <br /><br />Because the man is the one asking her to spend her valuable time considering him as a potential husband, he generally pays for the date. This has nothing to do with paying for sex. Instead, it is common courtesy not to ask someone to do you a favor, such as spend time at a restaurant with you, and then also ask them to pay for that favor they are doing you. The tradition of men paying is because the men were the ones asking.<br /><br />A relationship in which the man pays and then expects nothing in the way of sex signals to the woman that he values these traditional male and female roles and views her as having done him a favor by agreeing to spend time with him. For women who want a completely egalitarian relationship and reject different male and female roles, they may not like this. But for a woman who values the old-fashioned ways and wants a man who will take the lead in a traditionally masculine role of provider and protector, the man offering to pay is a good way to impress her and assure her of his interest in this role.Lindsay Haroldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13094965953749825163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5576985008275511255.post-6823627041090497242017-05-30T11:57:33.116-04:002017-05-30T11:57:33.116-04:00i am a christian man but i totally feel that in no...i am a christian man but i totally feel that in no way should a man need to pay for women at all.. why should a man pay for her? what does he get out of it? if he is not getting any sex, then why should she expect anything from him at all.. i understand if you think that sex should be reserved for after marriage and i agree. but to say that men just need to ask women out, then pay for them on dates is just plain ridiculous.. if he's looking to settle down, he'd be wasting so much money on dating women. and i personally feel that any decent christian woman would split the bill despite him asking to pay or at least have a genuine intention to split the bill.. if a woman cannot even have the decency to split the bill before marriage and expects you to pay, she's going to treat you as an atm machine.. she might not intend to treat you as one, but subconsciously she is... and it is all in vain.. for when you divorce which is possible, you still have to pay alimony to her.. you may think i am bitter, but i assure you i am not. i am realistic. gender roles were meant to be fufilled after marriage. before marriage, how can the woman display her gender roles.. is she going to stay in your house and clean your room or cook you food? no.. she stays with her parents till you guys are married.. so why should the man pay for her before marriage.. perhaps after marriage he should as he's the head of the household and she has proven herself to him that she is not some gold digger. btw, i think women who expect men to pay on dates are gold diggers.. its not about the amount of money but its not the intention.. even if its just a 1 dollar coffee which she expects you to pay..Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08259457958810446806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5576985008275511255.post-55999080739556958992013-11-01T10:39:17.650-04:002013-11-01T10:39:17.650-04:00You are a very bitter man. I wonder what has happe...You are a very bitter man. I wonder what has happened to you that you are so bitter against all women. No doubt you have met some very bad women. But not all women are like this. To claim that all women are feminists is not only false (I, for one, am not a feminist and I speak against feminism and for traditional male and female roles) but insulting to those of us who dare to challenge the wrong ideas in our culture and live according to the Bible.<br /><br />As for me exalting myself and trying to instruct you, that's ridiculous. I write a blog of my own thoughts. If you don't want to receive my advice, don't read it. I didn't seek you out. You sought me out.<br /><br />It certainly is not because of me that the nation is filled with divorce and adultery. I'm a devoted wife and mother who spends her days serving her husband and children and speaking against abortion, divorce, and adultery and for homemaking, apologetics, and homeschooling. If you're so dead set against feminists and adultery and divorce, the least you could do is encourage women who are actually working to be good wives and mothers, who aren't divorcing and never will, and who do follow Christ. <br /><br />Yelling at the people who are against divorce and adultery and accusing them of being horrible people isn't very productive or very kind. If you want to yell at someone, find a woman who left her husband or an adulteress or whatever and you might have a leg to stand on. But accusing me, a person you don't even know, and who isn't the kind of woman you're mad at, is downright illogical (not to mention rude).Lindsay Haroldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13094965953749825163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5576985008275511255.post-6395055013317356952013-10-31T22:40:56.722-04:002013-10-31T22:40:56.722-04:00That is just precious. The Christian wimin want c...That is just precious. The Christian wimin want commitment. But only from the man of your dreams. let's see how true that is by imagining an encounter with your Lord.<br />"Birds have nests and animals have dens but The Son of Man has no where to lay his head."<br />1) American woman response: "He's a loser."<br />"But go and learn what this means:I will have mercy and not sacrifice."<br />2) American woman response: "He places his enemies. Her is a wimp".<br />3) American woman quip: "He is a 30 year old Jewish man and he is not married? He of a HUGE LOSER!<br /><br />That of exactly how you would treat Christ of you saw him during his days on earth.<br />He was ugly and despised and you haughty church girls would have despised him too! Because you are arrogant self serving Christ hussy women. <br />The very idea that you should exalt yourself and try to instruct me is disgraceful! We men, having been traduced by feminism for all these years perceive your impudence. We played the game, we understand the rules and were definitely keep score. How lofty were your eye lids. It is because of you and your arrogance that our nation is filled with divorce, abortion and homosexuality. The feminist movement promulgated those things and you have hearty approval to them. You must be judged as those who commit adultery and shed innocent blood. You with your insolent smart alleck comments tried to crush is men. We will bury you! You self serving materialism and frivolous divorces have blemished the garments of liberty. It is a stain that will require much blood to wash it away.<br /><br />American women are our misfortune. We men must close or hearts to pity and wage a war against you. Not a war for victory but a war of extermination. It's not murder; it's abortion. Don't be mad girls. We learned from you and now you can learn from us. Love is only for one night but hate is foreverAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5576985008275511255.post-34100600210495666562012-07-26T09:26:51.710-04:002012-07-26T09:26:51.710-04:00These are both good points. Thanks for the input.
...These are both good points. Thanks for the input.<br /><br />You are right that, in our mixed up culture, some men think that paying for a date means they have a right to physical activites afterwards. I would hope that Christian men would not have this mindset and that Christian women would be able to expect a Christian man to act like a gentleman. Unfortunately, this may not be the case and both men and women should be careful in this area.<br /><br />I must say that if I ever had a date hint that he was entitled to more than just dinner, I would have set him straight in a hurry. I would have told him that my body was reserved for my future husband and that it was NOT for sale for any amount of money or attention. And then I would never have gone out with him again.<br /><br />I should probably point out here that when I said a man should pay for the date, I was thinking primarily of the first date. Men should be clear that it is a date and at least offer to pay. It should also probably be the norm that he pays for dinner when he takes her out. However, I don't think it's a hard and fast rule that the man should always pay for everything. I think it's fine for the girl to sometimes treat the guy or in some cases (especially for more expensive activities) for them to go dutch. For example, I surprised my now-husband for his birthday when we were dating and made him a cake and took him to dinner. I insisted on paying since it was his birthday and he hadn't planned on going out to dinner that night. I think being clear up front on these matters is key and saves trouble in the end.Lindsay Haroldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13094965953749825163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5576985008275511255.post-20485992095522432702012-07-25T21:09:43.362-04:002012-07-25T21:09:43.362-04:00This is great advice!
I have a couple things to a...This is great advice!<br /><br />I have a couple things to add on a more practical level:<br /><br />1. Recreational dating is also wrong because you are wasting precious time that could be spent finding or enjoying your spouse and building a family. This is especially important for women, since our fertile years are limited.<br /><br />2. Men should pay for dates, you are right. HOWEVER, many men today have come to associate paying for the date with certain inappropriate privileges. Before a woman ever steps out with a man, she needs to be certain whether he is paying for the date because he is a gentleman or because he isn't. Likewise, men need to be very clear about their expectations for the date. Guys: If you are paying out of chivalry MAKE THAT CLEAR. When I started dating my husband, my mother absolutely forbade me from letting him pay for dates (we went dutch), because she was afraid he'd get the wrong idea.<br /><br />Thank you for an organized, clear, and thoughtful post on the subject.harperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14770855937135928799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5576985008275511255.post-75404095733006180682012-07-25T08:25:14.840-04:002012-07-25T08:25:14.840-04:00Good advice! I had a few times as a single woman t...Good advice! I had a few times as a single woman that I wondered if I was on a date or not... lolJennihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16515053617889270906noreply@blogger.com